I need a break

WOAH It has definitely been a long time since I last wrote in here. Hmmm where to start. Lets begin with August and then work our way into my usual subject of working my ass off.

On August 12th I turned 30 years old. It was one of the best birthdays that I have had in years. My mother had come to town to visit in the beginning of August and left 2 days after my birthday. My husband threw me a family birthday party a day before my birthday. We had it at my house. My mother and I cooked dinner. I was unaware of anything. At this party was my mother, my husband, his grandmother, his mothers x-husband, and my 2 sister-in-laws. For presents I received 2 dvds, pots and pans, a video camera, a camera bag, and 4 tapes. I have already used up all the tapes and bought 2 more that I filled up. We went to the bar on the night of my birthday. He had invited all his friends to make it a big bash for me. I know almost all of them, there was only one that I really wish would have come and he didn't. (You know who you are) I got sloshed. I had eight shots of aftershock, two bacardi razz, four blowjobs, and a mystery drink. I was doing really well until the final shot of aftershock, that was drank out of a cup with a penis for a handle. I was barely able to walk. As I was in the bathroom Joy my husbands best friends sister came in to check on me. I told her to tell Jerry that it was time to leave and that I would be in the bed of the truck if he needed me. All the guys came to my rescue that night, they made me sit up (TY YOU ALEX) and gave me a small piture of water, that I stole (THANK YOU WHOEVER). One decided it would be more fun to flash her tits at me while I sat in the passenger seat waiting to leave. That offended my mother. A week later I was talking about that night with someone and they told me that every shot of Aftershock was a double, basically making it 16 shots instead. No wonder I was visiting King John for 10 minutes. I am very lucky to have not had a hangover the next day as I had to work from 12-8. I was also happy my mother was there, as my husband has never dealt with me that freakin waisted. Well neither has she but she has been around people. I did not vomit at home or on the drive home but I guess I was yelling something about me being the mother and it is supposed to be me taking care of people not people taking care of me. MMMMMMMMmmmmmmk yeah.

August 30th was my husbands birthday he turned 33. As usual I went all out on him, or attempted to. I had bought him a hat and a shirt a month and a half before his birthday. It was supposed to be given to him on his birthday but I just could not wait to give them to him. I had been working at another studio that has an airbrush store and an embroidery store. I had a baseball cap made for him that has a western diamondback rattlesnake on it. Thankfully I can adjust the colors of it so it made it even more awesome. The the shirt I got him he could wear at work. I had told the guy I wanted something dealing with a reptile and a computer, because those are my husbands passions. He said he could make a cartoon lizard. I was like whatever how much. Through the day I watched the progress of the shirt and he did a phenomenal job. WAY beyond my expectations. He drew an iguana sitting in a lawn chair at a table that has a computer on it. It had sunglasses on and a martini in its claw, with his tail wrapped around a little pencil. The colors were vivid and the artistry was phenomenal. For his birthday he received 2 pairs of Levi Strauss jeans, 2 pairs of boxers, a diamondbacks shirt, and I even threw him a birthday party. Though it was before his birthday. I invited just about everyone in his phone book, but not nearly as many arrived for his. Even his best friend Matt didn't come. But he had lots of fun and drank an awful lot. And the more he drank the more he insisted on telling everyone that he was better than me because he had not thrown up yet or passed out. I ended up driving one of his friends home because he was too waisted to drive. He was adamant that he was not going to leave his car there so we had a friend, Jimmy, who took my husband and followed me while I drove JerHemys car. Then drove us back to the bar so I could get my truck. At the bar Jerry passed out in the bed of the truck. I wanted so bad to get a picture of it but the video camera was full.

On September 22nd we drove to California for a Guns N Roses concert. I was a VERY long 2 days. I had to work till 7pm on Friday. The night before I had to pack for the trip. Knowing how much Jerry hates that I fall asleep when on car rides I stayed awake for the whole duration of the trip. I had soft snoozing here and there but none that really put me out. We arrived in California at 1 am and got something to eat with a friend of ours who lives near there. Staying around for bout an hour we went looking for a motel. We ended up sleeping in a dirt lot, behind a gas station, around the corner from the arena, with rigs and other vehicles. First we had a hard time falling asleep because the seats do not recline flat. Then we had to deal with the Santa Ana winds that blow 50+ miles an hour, in gusts. After that it was the rigs leaving. Then the sun beating through the windows cooking us. Around 11am we woke up. Changing clothes and cleaning up the truck we drove over to the McDonalds for breakfast and ice. A guy was selling concert shirts for ten dollars each. We bought 4 shirts from him. After we got home we found 2 defects with the shirt but oh well what can we do. We also bought 2 shirts from the concert a t-shirt and a halter top. We arrived at the arena around 1pm. We had to walk a mile up a steep incline just to get into line. Then we were frisked where they stole our lighters (but kept the cigarettes) and took my husbands usb swiss army knife. Thankfully I always keep a lighter in my bra. I was not so into the bands that were playing. Alice in Chains was one of the two that I know, but primarily Guns N Roses is the only one that I gave a damn about. Axl was supposed to come on at 10pm. Of course and as always he was late. The crowd started to get rowdy and they turned the house lights off at 10:15 making people thinking it was starting. Bout three minutes after that I sat back down. I tried to get Jerry to sit down but he was positive that it was going to start. Five minutes later he sat down too. That is when all hell broke loose. Around 10:30pm people who were seated around us started looking behind them. Monkey see monkey do. We turned around to see that the people in the lawn were throwing stuff into the seats. (Like it is our fault he wasn't there). Jerry and I stood up to avoid being hit and someone chucked a full bottle of water at us. He swung his arm at it and it hit the side of his right hand making it bruise. We stepped out into the walkway and security told us to get back into our seats. Being as I was exhausted and now dodging debree I argued back saying that I wouldn't as I liked the way my head looked. He explained that we didn't have to sit down but we did have to at least stand in our row. (sigh) After bout five minutes I grabbed Jerry and drug him to the front of our section. We went from row Y to row B. Some debree still made it down to there but not as much as before. From there we watched fires get started and stuff on fire get thrown into the seated areas. Finally around 10:50 Guns N Roses finally came on stage. Thanks to Jerry I know ALL the words to the songs and parts of the new stuff from Chinese Democracy. It was the first time all night that I was actually focused and into the show. I was in extreme pain half way through them. My feet were hurting me so bad that I was imitating a flamingo. I was literally crying from the pain. After the show we ran (or I attempted) to run down the hill that was a mile to see if we can catch Axl as he was leaving. I ruined our chance of seeing him because my feet gave out and I couldn't walk anymore. Jerry was so mad at me. I tried really hard to make it the rest of the way I just gritted my teeth and hobbled. I was handicapped. The show was awesome though it was my first Guns N Roses concert ever. We left for home immediately after the show. I could no longer stay awake. The extreme exhaustion just got me.


I finally got a new employee. WOO HOO and she is soooooo awesome. She actually comes to work on time. Maressa is no longer in my store. I evicted her. I had worked a studio and my current boss had come in. I told her that I just could not work with her anymore and I would work seven days a week. Sure enough they moved her to Mcdowell and I worked 15 days without a day off. I got 2 days off which is when I drove to California. Which technically was not a day off as I was busy the whole time. Then I worked 19 days straight. Yeah I was pretty burnt out but I held strong. While working these long days I also have a second job. I believe I started in on September 14 which is a Thursday. Every Thursday through Sunday I work for a Haunted house from the time I get off work until around 1am. It is kinda difficult to do when you got to be at work at 10am the next day for the first job.

In the beginning for job two I was nothing. Basically I would just help the directors pass out water or get stuff for the actors. Most of my time was spent where my husband was, in Psych Ward 7, he played Jackyl from 13 ghosts. Eventually Daryl, the boss of it all, told me that I was to watch over the ward and give them water and such. I did that for a few days but felt that I looked so stupid walking in with plain clothes and talking to the actors and giving them water. So I brought a black shroud in and just covered myself up. Then I got bored with that and started scaring customers too, while taking care of the guys. That is when I started enjoying myself. Because I had no makeup on I would hide in the darkest part of our area and jump at people when they walked by. It worked out well. Though I kept loosing my voice. Eventually I got makeup. I have roughly 4-7 guys working with me at a time. About twice a week one actor per town would receive a prize. All my actors since the opening day have received an award. Even two of my newer guys. Personally I think I should get something as I take care of my actors, scare people, provide food and water, escort or confront people who are misbehaving or touching the actors, and clean up the whole place before we leave. Or at least I thought I took care of everyone good. One night Jerry had to work Slaughterville because they were understaffed. After the show he told me in front of everyone else that he saw the director for that town more than he ever saw me, and she took care of him better than I did. Then he started telling them that if they wanted him for any other areas he would do it. It hurt my feelings. Made me feel like I wasn't doing my job. Though I was always in the same area every day, easy to get assistance from. It made me feel like I wasn't doing anything for anyone, and that he was trying to get away from me. He said he was trying to be nice knowing how low staffed they were but why can't they just take one of our new guys instead of the best one.

Damn this one is not near as long as the other blogs I have written. Oh well I am out of ideas so I am just gonna close this and move onto a new blog.

All For You and None for Me

I am one of those people who try to make it awesome for everyone and do nothing for myself. I will sit here and buy someone something at least once a day, even if it just a soda or candy bar, when I desperately need something for myself. I don't know if I am waiting for someone to buy it for me, waiting for an insane amount of money, or for the reason I need it to become overwhelmingly apparent that it is crucial that I buy it now, no more waiting.
My husband gets the receiving end of all my gratuity. I must buy him a gift every week. I have been needing new shoes for 2 months, therapeutic kind. Instead I have bought him playstation games, taken him out to dinner, long herping trips, movies, new kinds of drinks and candy. When it is gift giving time like birthday and Christmas I buy A LOT of stuff. Spending hundreds of dollars just to make sure it is awesome. Though my purchases don't seem to make it enough. Every time I do give something I always get the response that there is something I missed or that there is a better version out there. Or the item gets used for a week or two then it is never seen again or left to collect dust.
At work I attempt to make everyone's visit memorable. I give out candy to the kids, tell jokes to the parents, and have a constant smile. I let them do things I am not really supposed to do. I try to make people remember me by standing out from the rest of the people. It works to a degree. I do have a lot of repeat customers, or I should say a lot of kids who repeatedly come and play with me.
I literally exhaust myself for perfection and happiness with work and everyone else. But my own happiness is what is getting left behind. I am not like depressed and hating life but there is nothing in it for me. Well not totally nothing cause I get the overwhelming feeling of satisfaction seeing their faces and knowing I yet again made another person happy. I do it everyday of my life. Like in my previous blog about acceptance. I try my hardest to get noticed and I am still forgotten. I make the rest of the world happy and leave nothing for myself. I have asked and asked for stuff for years and it always ends up making everyone else upset cause they are not getting what they want, or they don't want to do it. I do not ask for much but when I do ask it just gets ignored or I hear "I have been trying but....." I know, I know, I have to buy it for myself and give it to myself if I want something. But I can't seem to make myself do that cause then I feel like I left someone out and wasted money on something that could of been used on someone that needed it more.
I take people out that are in from out of town or family members special days and attempt to make it a memorable experience. After the day is through I feel as though it was not enough and I could have made it much better. Am I trying to make people feel pity for me... no I don't think so. I just wanted to get this feeling inside of me out. I know people who are reading this are going to get upset at me but this is my blog and I need to speak my mind. Release I need to release. Tomorrow I won't be thinking of this anymore.. Hell in about an hour I will have forgot. I will think of it again in a few days when I do something for someone and realize I should of done it for me. But then I will know I just made someone else happier for at least a few minutes.
I can hear all those people out there going... I bought you that soda when you asked me to, I shared my snack on that car ride, I gave you clothes I bought from the thrift store. And I thank you for doing that but most of the time I either asked for it you felt guilty cause you also bought something for yourself or for someone else. Or in my husbands case I started a fight with him to get it. I want to write a list of things I want but then I know that people would give it to me because of this blog. Those of you who actually hear me... Thanks for the whim presents. For those of you who don't thanks for the guilt present. All I asked is to be pampered.. I think. Just something that is for me would be great. Not bought for me but actually for you to use, given to me because you can't use it, out of guilt/pity, or even one so I don't feel left out. SIGH I am probably not even getting through to anyone,,, it is just me doing what I do best,, bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch.

Thanks for reading anyways.

A Blast From The Past

Growing up we always heard on tv and from our peers... "Back when I was young we didn't have..... we couldn't do that without..." Now that I am 29 years old I find myself doing almost the same thing. But I ad in ' How did we make it in the past without this item?" I have had this conversation a few times with a couple people. It is crazy the way life advances so much. You don't notice it until you are years older and you go,, how did I ever get along without it.

For instance cell phones. Everyone has one, or in my case two. Even 12 year olds have one. How were we able to make plans with people and get directions when we got lost. See what was playing at the theatre. I literally have a panic attack when I have left mine at home. I act like knowone is going to talk to me all day without it. I do not receive as many phone calls as my husband does but I do get my share. I am not including co-workers with studio issues either. Thus the reason I got 2 phones. They suck my minutes right out of me. Anyways... think about when you were a kid. Making plans with friends. You would call them up and set up a meeting place and time right? Well what happened if the plans got changed? When you got there knowone, except maybe one other arrived. Later you find out they tried to call you before you left to tell you they were going somewhere else, but you were already gone. Or everyone is meeting to shoot pool and when they arrive it is so packed that there is a waiting list for a table. Talking it over everyone that has arrived so far are scheduling for another location. Everyone leaves except one who has been designated to stay behind and give directions to everyone else. Which really sucks when you don't know who all is coming or don't know some of the people. Even something as great as the cell phone can cause disaster and one is accidents. People are talking on the phone not watching what they are doing and miss their turn, or are trying to answer it and hit the back of another car. But it does come in handy to dial 911 or to call the tow truck.

Another one would be television. Without it what were people doing? There is only so much a person a can do. This is also probably the reason people had 4-5 kids per family. That is all there was to do at night. Yeah family fun night is great and all but it is not so cool when you are a teenager. Back when they had only a few channels and one TV, it had to be a nightmare. It is still Like Jeff Foxworthy says "Kids today have it made. 'Cause if they don't like what's on television, they've got 40, 50 channels to choose from! Remember how many channels we got when we were kids? 3. And if the President was on, your night was shot. 'The President's on! He's on every channel! We're gonna miss Flipper !' " That is exactly right. Nowadays though they got up to 500 channels to chose from. Though some are the same thing just a different show is on. Like Discovery, Discovery kid, Disney Channel, Toon Disney, HBO west, HBO east.... And so on and so forth. And now some houses have a TV for every room so that there is no such thing as family fun night. Now it is telesitter. Turn on the TV set the kid in front of it and do your housework. Though again here is an invention that has been proved to suck the energy out of people and make their IQ lower.

What about vehicles? I can see why all the people in the older years are quite fit and skinny. They all had to ride bicycles or walk to get around town. The vehicle is an awesome invention though. The vehicle can get you long distances in a short amount of time. It can carry more than one person. It can get you to the hospital, grocery store, movies, or even a friends house. The larger these cities get the more the car made it easier to get to the other side of town. When you watch all these old TV shows you see that the family has one car and dad drives it 90% of the time. Nowadays everyone who is over 16 can drive it, and usually 2 or 3 cars are in the driveway. One day the dogs will be able to do it too. Vehicles get bigger, faster, tougher and consumer friendly. But like all inventions it had its downfall too. Now you have pollution and high gas prices, along with packed roadways. Oh and don't forget about death.

If you seriously think of it, you'll actually find yourself wondering what you did. Here are a few others things that make you go HMMMmmmmm. Air Conditioning, computers, music in the car, booze, hair products, pencils, condoms,... Well you get the idea. I bet you can come up with quite a few more. Enjoy.

Acceptance

All your life of growing up you just want to be accepted. Be a part of a crowd instead of a loner. Everywhere you go people are in groups. In highschool it was the skaters, jocks, cheerleaders, stoners, etc. In adult hood it is co-workers, old friends, herpers, etc. Even in these groups they were sectioned off. In highschool my group was the stoners/skaters. But in adulthood it is whoever will talk to me. Which seems to be the old people. For people like me it was a tough job finding and keeping a friend. One because I was a military brat the other was I had a different way of life. I did everything I could think of to have friends. I bought people stuff, was friendly to everyone, always willing to help everyone and do anything for anyone. Even in adult hood I do the exact same thing.
I want to be noticed. I want people to know I am here. I stand out on purpose because I want people to acknowledge me. If anything was to ever happen to me I want people to wonder what happened to me and ask around for me. MANY people look at me as too social, too perky, and well odd. I accept that. That is how people will remember me.
I barely have any friends at all. Now my husband has ALOT of friends. He thinks he don't but I can't even count all of his on my fingers, I have 2 and neither live in the this city. One is not even in the same state. Not only does he have a lot of friends but 3 different groups. He has co-workers, Herpers, and old Friends. My 2 friends are old friends. Like 13 years ago type old. Highschool friends old.
Quite recently lately, every weekend, my husband has been getting invited to events. Which is nothing new. He is always being invited to concerts, camping, out of town trips, movies or to dinner. Lately I have been getting invited to these get togethers. Now don't get me wrong I have been invited before but only by his highschool friends. It took some of them a little bit to even accept me into the circle. Now every weekend I have been going to bars with my husband and meeting up with his co-workers. A small few already new me but now A LOT do. They buy me drinks, sing with me, and even socialize with me. Now I do not know if I am personally being invited to their little parties or if my husband is dragging me but they do not seem to mind. Unless I am more nieve than I thought I was. They welcome me, and give me hugs when I gotta leave. It feels really good to be noticed. Though I know they will never call me on the phone and personally invite me somewhere or ask me to do something with them without my husband but that is totally fine with me. Most wives just sit at home while their husbands go gallivanting around town with his friends. It is not quite as fun if they were my friends but I do keep entertained. Though when they talk shop......... I am WAY outta the loop. I only slightly comprehend the conversation.
Anywho... so I am happy on the weekends. It may not be my friends and my day off, it may not be where I wanted to spend my weekend but I enjoy myself and I accepted for who I am.

My Husband Is A Nutcase

Today at 2:20 pm on Feb-23-2006, he called me to basically ask me to bring him a new pair of jeans. Now my first thought was he either shit or split them. The real reason literally made me roll my eyes and go "OH MY GOD!!! YOU ARE A NUTCASE"

He was in a company meeting when someone mentioned that there was something outside he would deffinetly enjoy seeing. Asking to be released from the meeting prematurely he walks outside and looks across the street to see a 1969 Dodge Charger in the school parking lot that shares their parking lot. Not only was it just sitting there it was painted up like the "General Lee" from the Dukes Of Hazzard TV show. He just stood there with his jaw open staring at the car. Next thing I know he was calling me. "Honey? Your never going to believe what I am looking at right now!!!" Knowing him as well as I do I figured he was reading a magazine or checking out a webpage and had seen something that he wanted really bad. Well the second part is true but he didn't read it, he was looking at it drooling. Anyways, he went on to describe the car. I told him to wait for the person to come out to his car and ask him if he could wait 20 minutes so that I could arrive with the camera. He was psyked. The guy finally came out and of course Jerry just stood there telling me that the guy was getting into his car. Being the forceful one in the family I pushed him to talk to the guy. Of course he was just about out of the parking lot when Jerry finally approached the car. They guy told him he had something to do but would be back at the same time tomorrow. He has wallpaper for his computer, screensavers, the movies, four seasons, a pilot episode, the music cd, posters, remote control car, the episodes on VHS, model cars, and soon an avatar, IF the guys shows up tomorrow.

My husband being the gossip columnist that he is was on his messanger and phone as soon as time allowed telling everyone and anyone that would listen to him. I have heard the story roughly 10 times today.

Now I love my husband but his passion or fascinations can make a person go nuts. Quite a few times I have wanted to make a cd a frisbee for the freeway. Or delete all webpages that pertained to his fascinations. They are so bad that he has blogs about his addictions. http://jerryfar.blogspot.com/ His most recent blog being a point in fact. He will downlaod, buy, printout, burn, and share with everyone he knows whether they want to or not. And when he gets on his kick it will go on for a month or so then something else will come along and it will start all over.

His second obsession is Axl Rose from Guns N Roses. OMG, I love his music too but there is only so much a person can take from that torchered cat wail and ill tempered man. He owns every single CD, plus the tributes, DVDs, posters, shirts, compilations of cds, paperview recordings, pictures, forums..... etc.etc.etc. He even makes his co-workers nuts with Guns N Roses. Let not a soul talk down bout them, cause you will be preached. Right now in my view there is about 10 cds I can see and more in a wallet. Back ups upon backups. Now I know he will get mad at me for this blog cause I don't get so deeply involved with stuff that he is into but what couple does. I would swear to god that if Axl Rose came to see him he would get on his knees and do that 'I'm not worthy' from Waynes World. Or faint. The later would be the funnier.

Now I can't say that I don't contribute to his obsessions. I will add onto his collections to see him happy. That is my goal in life is to keep him happy. There is nothing in my world that could replace him. And though I would love to lock him up in the wacky house sometimes for the crap he does. I can't cause then who would have to roll my eyes too, say oh good lord, or even shy away from when he embarasses me in public. Nobody cause he is collection obsessive cum if he sees it live hubby.

What Is Love!?!?!??!?

How can you tell when you love someone? I don't know how you know but this is how I know.

Talk about them to everyone you meet
smile when you see them through a window
Have to touch them any chance you get
Have to talk to them at least once a day over the phone
Send text messages or IM's that say I love you
Wanting to hold them close in bed
Buy gifts for no special reason
Going everywhere with them just to be with them
Willing to do things you dislike to spend time
When their sick wanting to do everything for them
Cry when your going away and they are not coming

I have been married for a little less than 10 years. Everyday I experience almost all of these.
How do I love thee let me count the ways.... 1-8 that's how.
I honestly don't know what made us fall in love. But, I do know it was almost instantaneous. By like the fifth date. I was hesitant as I had just left a seriously abusive relationship. I was reluctant about getting into another relationship. But now I know that I made the right judgment.
Like all relationships you get into there is a little argument and you think why did I get married or where would I be if I had not decided to move in with them. I know that I would not be happy. Yeah we have our ups and downs but that is all part of the relationship cuz you must admit that the best part of fighting is making out.... oooops, I mean making up. Anyways I just want the world to know that..


I LOVE MY HUSBAND JERRY

Almost a Dream Come True

I am currently in Missouri. Wanted my husband to come but he could not get the days off though he knew in the beginning of December I was going to leave in the middle of January. This is my second trip here in the past 6 years and Jerry didn't come either time.
My biggest dream is to have a child. Preferably a daughter. My visitor usually comes 25-32 days. Longest was 36. Well When I left it was already at 36 and I had already bought a pregnacy test from work. On the 19th it would be 41. I was getting nauseous and feeling weird, not to mention using the restroom every 30 minutes . I was excited. As soon as I woke up on the 19th I took the 2 tests to the bathroom with me. I was shaking from anticipation. I had planned out how I was going to tell everyone.
Mom would have been the first to know. I would have invited her into the bathroom telling her I needed help then she would have seen the test and saw it read that I was pregnant. She would have screamed then ran out into the living room and told my father, brother, sister, nephew, then called everyone else. My husband and the people in Arizona would have been the second group to find out.
I was going to wait till I got home to tell Jerry. I was going to get off the plane and go out to eat. While eating dinner I would tell Jerry. I don't know how he would have handled it but I am pretty sure he would call everyone in his cell phone. "Jerry likes to talk on the phone and tell everyone what happened that day". After he calls everyone I would call my friends he don't talk to so that everyone would know. Then work would be the last one. Fallowed by life as usual.

But of course as I am not allowed to have what I want...

On the morning of the 19th I snuck my tests into the bathroom and immediately ripped the package open. I hate peeing on those sticks, so messy. I waited the 2 minutes like it said and then stared at it like I was an idiot. Those things just don't make sense. Why cant they just show a Y that means YES your pregnant or N for NO your not. It would be so much easier than they way they say it. If the line appears darker in the R column than the line does in the c side then you are pregnant but if it appears lighter then the c side you are not, but if it is the same you should run another test. Both said the same thing I had to call my brother in to take a look at it. It said no.... OF FUCKING COURSE.

I am guessing that the birth control I am on made me skip a month. I am on it because they found and ovarian cyst. I don't know why I skipped. I just wanna know why can't I just get what I want.

Anways so now I am back into my depression. It really sucks to want something so bad and cant have it. This time I really really thought I was. Anywho I need to get packed so I can leave for the airport and return to my husband, my bed, my tv and my work.