I am currently in Missouri. Wanted my husband to come but he could not get the days off though he knew in the beginning of December I was going to leave in the middle of January. This is my second trip here in the past 6 years and Jerry didn't come either time.
My biggest dream is to have a child. Preferably a daughter. My visitor usually comes 25-32 days. Longest was 36. Well When I left it was already at 36 and I had already bought a pregnacy test from work. On the 19th it would be 41. I was getting nauseous and feeling weird, not to mention using the restroom every 30 minutes . I was excited. As soon as I woke up on the 19th I took the 2 tests to the bathroom with me. I was shaking from anticipation. I had planned out how I was going to tell everyone.
Mom would have been the first to know. I would have invited her into the bathroom telling her I needed help then she would have seen the test and saw it read that I was pregnant. She would have screamed then ran out into the living room and told my father, brother, sister, nephew, then called everyone else. My husband and the people in Arizona would have been the second group to find out.
I was going to wait till I got home to tell Jerry. I was going to get off the plane and go out to eat. While eating dinner I would tell Jerry. I don't know how he would have handled it but I am pretty sure he would call everyone in his cell phone. "Jerry likes to talk on the phone and tell everyone what happened that day". After he calls everyone I would call my friends he don't talk to so that everyone would know. Then work would be the last one. Fallowed by life as usual.
But of course as I am not allowed to have what I want...
On the morning of the 19th I snuck my tests into the bathroom and immediately ripped the package open. I hate peeing on those sticks, so messy. I waited the 2 minutes like it said and then stared at it like I was an idiot. Those things just don't make sense. Why cant they just show a Y that means YES your pregnant or N for NO your not. It would be so much easier than they way they say it. If the line appears darker in the R column than the line does in the c side then you are pregnant but if it appears lighter then the c side you are not, but if it is the same you should run another test. Both said the same thing I had to call my brother in to take a look at it. It said no.... OF FUCKING COURSE.
I am guessing that the birth control I am on made me skip a month. I am on it because they found and ovarian cyst. I don't know why I skipped. I just wanna know why can't I just get what I want.
Anways so now I am back into my depression. It really sucks to want something so bad and cant have it. This time I really really thought I was. Anywho I need to get packed so I can leave for the airport and return to my husband, my bed, my tv and my work.
