On Saturday, January 13 2007, at 9:40am, I received a phone call on my cell phone. As I didn't know the number, I ignored it and let it go to voicemail. I was starting my day at work setting up the computers and turning on the lights when I listened to the voicemail. I could barely comprehend what was being said. All I could make out was something about me doing their pictures a month ago. I could not figure out how a customer had obtained my personal phone. What I could get out of the message, was that something bad had happened as the person was crying. I immediately figured someone had died. I called the number back while continuing to open my studio. I soon found out it was my Towns Of Terror kid TJ.
He had been killed in a roll over on the freeway at 4:30am. I immediately asked them if certain people had been notified. They told me they were working on it slowly as they had to contact other people to get certain numbers. Kiela was one I was the most concerned about. As she was basically his little sister, they said they were going to tell her in person. Let's just say it was the first time I had buckled to my knees and cried in a LONG time.
After getting off the phone I called my husband. Ringing his cell phone 3 times I remembered that he had it on vibrate, so I attempted to call the house phone. I used my work phone and my cell phone to make the phone at home ring off the hook. Of course he did not answer so I texted him with "Call me immediately". Needing someone to talk to I contacted one of my co-workers I have become rather close with. She had met him once or twice before, so it was not like I was telling her about a complete stranger. I was only able to talk to her for a few minutes as I couldn't stop sobbing. Next I contacted my boss. After some serious finagling they found someone to cover me, but only until 3, when I had to return back to work. I called Becky and Daryl next as they were our bosses from Towns Of Terror. Around 10 min til 12 my husband finally called me. I had just stopped crying about a half hour before that. I told him what was going on and he didn't believe me. We sat and talked for 10 minutes when he asked me if Kiela knew..... I told him that TJs' family said they wanted to tell her in person. Right at that moment she texted me saying that we should cancel tonights plans (which included a huge get together of bowling and karaoke). She figured we should go to Macayos (his favorite mexican food place which he also worked at a year ago) and absorb what has happened. Crying loudly I told my husband "She knows about TJ". It crushed me. I got off the phone with him and went out for a cigarette. Entering my studio I sat in the waiting area and continued to cry. By the time my co-worker arrived to take over it was 12:15pm, roughly 2 hours after I had found out. On my drive home I contacted another friend of ours, Marie, that was in TOT with us. She was numb to what I had said. I later found out that is was her boyfriends birthday as well. Coming home I ran to my husband and cried in his arms for 15 minutes straight.
I went back to work at 3 but did not have the enthusiasm and energy that I usually do for my customers. Around 6 pm Kiela came to see me. I was at the cash register ringing up a customer I had just finished shooting. I looked at her and said "If you are here to make me cry you can just get out. I am done for now." I tear rolled down my cheek as I looked into her grief stricken face. I could tell she had been crying as hard as I had been, however she had been doing it much longer. After my customer had left I had went out for a cigarette. She came with me so that we could talk. Coming back inside I pulled up the pictures that I had done of his family. That set off a whole new series of tears. For two hours I did not get another customer, which was a blessing. We drove to Macayo for dinner and upon walking into the restaurant we saw the hostess and I remembered she knew him. Coming in really close to her, we broke the news. Tears welled up in her eyes and the 2 of us walked back outside so that customers would not see us cry. That is when my husband showed up. For 5 minutes we cried in his arms. Walking back into the restaurant we were escorted to a corner table. The waiter asked us what we wanted and I ordered a Dr Pepper (his favorite drink, that I dislike) which made us start to cry. Kiela ordered Sopapillas (the last thing she ate with TJ). When our meals finally arrived we sat and remembered the good times. After eating we headed home, Kiela and I in my car and my husband in his truck.
He was sent ahead to clean up the living room of all laundry and we drove to see if we could find the area where the accident happened(which we did not find) then stopped at circle K to get something to drink. I bought a pint of Jack Daniels because that was TJs' favorite hard alcohol. Kiela had received a phone call from someone who was checking on her and I heard the reverb in her voice and said "Kiela not in Circle K" then collected more tissue. At the house we each had one shot while watching videos of TJ doing Karaoke. We all laughed at how bad he was. At midnight we dropped Kiela off at her house and went home ourselves.
The days dragged on waiting to find out what happened and when the funeral was going to happen. The family was not even permitted to see the body or retrieve personal belongings until Wednesday as Monday was Martin Luther King Day... the morgue was closed for the holidays. THIS WAS ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT!!!! To this day we still do not know what happened exactly (we being my husband and I). Basically all we can think is that he had a blow-out and lost control of his vehicle. All we know for sure is that he had been clubbing with his girlfriend, and he was on his way home. I had asked his family if the girlfriend knew and everyone said they didn't know her number but they were trying to hack his email, myspace, and voice mail to get it. The last time I saw him was Friday the 12th of January at 7pm. He had stopped by my work to introduce me to his girlfriend. I had been passing out free key chains and frames to customers for the past 2 hours and I was determined to have them all gone by the time I left at 8pm. If I knew it would have been the last time I was ever going to see him I would have spent A LOT more time with him. I had called my husband at work while he was there because TJ wanted to talk to him. My husband had told me to tell him that he would call him between 8 and 9pm that night, because he was really busy at work and had no time. Well he didn't get off work til after 9pm and TJ did not answer when he tried to call him. The last time my husband had seen him was Saturday January 6th. We had gone to a bar to do Karaoke. He had talked to him for a short period during the week but work kept it from being a long conversation. We all regretted our last moments with him. Which only proves that you need to make the time for everyone, and if you can't, make it a necessity to get back to them asap.
A few days later we were called by Kiela and told the date and times for the funeral. My husband attempted to get the day off or go home early but they put up a stink. They told him they would ask his co-worker if he was ok with working solo for an hour, as he would be leaving early that day. It would leave this guy alone for 1 hour maybe. Though he himself has been left to run things for 3 hours plus with nobody else there several times in the past. As the days approached we grew more and more silent. The day of the viewing (or wake), January 18th, 2007 from 6pm to 9pm, Kiela had called and left a message on my cell phone at 8:30 am asking if I could pick her up at school. Of course I did not get this message til noon as I was on vacation and did not get up until then. I returned her call and told her I would come and get her. Was unsure as to what we were going to do until 6, but I was sure I could think of something. We ended up driving to my work and ordering 10 clear balloons and one pink one. They were to be released after TJ was laid to rest. The pink one being his mother's. Kiela and I then proceeded to my house. At first I had no idea what to do then it came to me that we would sing for TJ. So I turned on the karaoke machine and we sang A LOT of songs together and alone until around 5:40pm.
At the funeral home it was exceptionally hard to deal with what was going on. We had not even gotten 50 feet from the entrance and we were locked in arms with a friend or family member. Every new set of arms reignited a new set of tears. Everyone grabbed Kiela and held her. I was grabbed also, but mostly by family. Most of the time I stood outside in the blistering cold to avoid the migraine of sorrow I was sure to get. They all tried to get me to view his body but there was NO WAY you were getting me up there. Seeing the body makes it way to real for me. The closest I got was bout 15 feet away so that I could see the TV. An hour and a half later my husband arrived from work. I was standing outside when he pulled up. I walked to the back parking lot of the mortuary and let him know who was here. As we walked inside I pointed out people and introduced him to people. Some of the family were holding it together better than others were *cough* Kiela and I. I heard from a few people that he was wearing a Towns Of Terror t-shirt and his letterman jacket. Inside the coffin was a carebear (that he swore he didn't play with he just collected), a few of his swords, a cigarette, some coins (to pay his toll into heaven), a wrapper from a dove candy bar that said smile and the world will wonder what you have done, and his favorite baseball cap. Outside it was deathly cold. We all blamed the temperatures on TJ saying it was his fault it was so cold. The night ended with Kiela coming to our house. My husband, Kiela, Marie, and I all decided to go to Denny's and notify certain waitresses what was going on. As my husband and Marie went there, Kiela and I went Macayos to tell Rosalie... who was not working that night. The hostess told us that she would notify her tonight so she would know the funeral was the next day. We left from there and went to her house to get some things then to Denny's.
At Denny's our Waitress Traci, who was our waitress on Saturday nights for the Towns Of Terror Crew, bought a Denny's hat for us to put in the coffin. I think if we would have gone into full on weeping she would have gone down too... but she did shed a tear for him and walked away from us A LOT of times. Separating ways Marie went to Tempe where she lives and we went home.
At the house we went through every single video tape we had for the camera and extracted the video of TJ doing Karaoke or pitching in his two cents to our songs. We saved them onto VHS so we could give it to his family. We went to bed around 430am, and got up at 8am. Leaving a little after 9am, it was raining, windy and gloomy and dark gray clouds loomed everywhere you could see.
We drove to my work to pick up the balloons and then head back to the mortuary for the funeral. It was beautiful. On the TV it showed pictures of TJ throughout the years while music played in the background. Kiela and I cried throughout the whole thing. She went up twice and reminded everyone that she was his non biological sister and how he treated everyone like that. His sister Tori gave off an incredible eulogy that made us cry and laugh. Go here to read it for yourself:
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=22600336&blogID=219784265&MyToken=2077a72e-3532-4887-bd96-3a429ab061f4
Many people from TJ's life got to go up and tell their stories of things that happen while they were with him. My husband wanted to speak, but when he finally got up the nerve to do it they were closing the service. His brother and Father closed it. We were then told how to leave the building which included passing the body then paying our respect to the family, then to the outdoors. It was cruel but it was one way to get me to view the body. It really bugged me by one eulogy that said the last time she had seen TJ was a week prior to the accident. That freaked me out. None of the other family members said when the last time they saw him was. I literally felt like the last person besides his girlfriend to see him. We saw his girlfriend outside the mortuary and she had mentioned that it was just weird to know that she spent the last 12 hours of his life with him. I piped in saying I was there for 15 minutes of that 12 hours. She knew who I was when I said that.
We all followed the police escort to the grave site. My husband, Marie, Kiela and I all stood east of the coffin. His immediate family stood west of the coffin. Everyone else just gathered around. His coffin was blue was very nice. Though I half expected it to be made out of denim. The preacher said his part and the family dropped carnations into the grave after the coffin was lowered. This is where everyone lost it, as is to be expected. Kiela who is wrapped in my arms falls to her knees repeating "this is not real this cant be real this makes it too real.. stop". I watched his sister Andi lose her legging and start to fall to her knees but she was held up by I think her boyfriend. Most of the immediate females really close to him cried loudly as I did. The lowering of the coffin is the final good-bye when you know it is true and over. I attempted to hold Kiela and Marie as close as I could, but for Kiela it was not cutting it. I finally tore away from them and approached his brother Rusty and asked him to please hold Kiela as she needed family blood not adopted blood. It worked as well as it could. His parents parted first. The friends tattered off slowly so that all that was left was Tori, his sister with boyfriend, Andi, his other sister with boyfriend, Rusty his brother with girlfriend, Kiela his adopted sister, Marie an X co-worker, my husband and myself. After we were all done cussing TJ out for leaving us and cracking some jokes, we all left for the first drinks on TJ at the VFW building.
AT the VFW everyone over the age of 21 were offered their first drink free, and it was on TJ. I ordered a coke and Jim Beam mixer, my husband got a Corona and Marie drank TJ's favorite beer Bud Light. Everyone talked and chatted. The balloons we were to release were sitting on a counter behind us. His parents arrived later. Bout an hour later everyone went outback and with a sharpie everyone who wanted to, got to write on the balloons a message for TJ. Mine said "WE ARE SCREAMING YOUR NAME TJ your psyche ward mother" My husband wrote "Miss you bro". Everyone got a piece of the balloons. When we were all done writing on it and had frozen down to our blood vessels, certain people released one balloon each. My husband had ours, Marie released hers, Rhonda (TJ's mom) had hers, Rusty had his, Tori and Andi each had one, and Kiela had the rest. Because of the low cloud cover and because it was really freaking cold outside we did not watch them for long. The clear balloons vanished quickly, mom's was visible for quite awhile longer. Not too long later I asked Kiela if she could find a ride home because my husband I and were falling asleep. We had only gotten 4 hours of sleep and were starving. Barely any sleep, empty stomach and booze left us burned out with a buzz. She found one quickly and bout 20 min later we finally left. My husband made a comment that he basically felt like a nobody because nobody was consoling him like they were me. He was really close to TJ too. They spent every weekend together on the phone or in person. TJ was his driver for Towns Of Terror. But nobody knew who he was. I attempted to explain to him that they new me more because I had gone to his house once and I was their family photographer. All of the family new me. It was nothing personal. TJ has LOTS of friends. Marie was treated the same way. The family would only acknowledge the ones who were at the house all the time or had interaction with the family themselves. He was still hurt though. My husband wrote a little something about him too
http://jerryfar.blogspot.com/
It was now 3pm. As we walked out the door Marie who was leaving at the same time we were was a little tipsy off that one beer she had drank. So we decided to go get some food so she she could drive home. At the place we decided to eat my husband remembered that he had left his credit card at the VFW, making it that we would have to go back inside. Returning back the bartender told him he should purchase another beer so the bank doesn't rip him off cause his purchase was under 5 dollars. So he bought another beer. Finally around 5:15 we headed home for the last time. At the house we crawled into bed and slept til 9pm. Sometime around 11pm on Friday I buckled for the last time and just cried.
Today January 20th I have had roughly 3 episodes where I almost started crying again but sucked it up. I guess that will happen off and on for quite awhile.
Thomas Joseph Davis was born August 28th 1985. I met him at Towns of Terror in September of 2006. He was one of the boys of Psych Ward 7, a small section of this town separated from the other two towns because it was just the best of the best. My husband and him hit it off immediately. I was the mother of Psych Ward 7 and even after the job was over he still called me mom. I was 9 years older than he was. My husband was 12 years older. He had one of those attitudes that was just really infectious. Whether you were laughing at him or with him he was not someone you were going forget quickly. TJ would go out with us every weekend. Didn't matter if it was a bar, bowling, or going to a car show he was right there with us. We would even be at dinner and he would just show up. He drove like a crazy person which honestly fit his behavior. He wanted to be everywhere with everyone and was determined that he was not going to leave until he had hit on at least one female somehow. He didn't even care if they were 20 years older than he was. I got proof of that on my video camera. He would show up at my work without any warning and say 'Hi Mom' in front of my customers. Everyone but me was his sister or brother. It has been a full week now since I found out and over 48 hours since the burial. I did not even know him that long but that just shows how addicting his personality can be. His friends and family are talking about doing a bowling night in memory of TJ and singing very bad karaoke. Something he was really good at, but though he was just terrible at it he still kept singing. He was so strong and determined. We just need to choose a date and time. I am going to close this now as I have been working on for hours. I wanted to write more but my husband keeps reminding me that this is a blog not a novel. TJ I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU... KEEP MAKING THE WORLD LAUGH MY SON. WITH OR AT, IT DON'T MATTER.
