I do it for you

I know that this blog is going to make me sound whiney but this is my blog and I will write what I want. Just like in all my other blogs I am speaking my mind, and this one is about how I give to all and do everything else that everyone wants to do and I get nothing. There are alot of things that I want in my life. Every time I want to accomplish them or obtain them I end up giving everyone else what they wants instead. It has been like this my whole life. Not only with my husband but with everyone. Is like love and friendship dominates my wants.

Back in highschool, I would have plans to do something with my boyfriend, that I have been wanting to do, or planned for, and if he wanted to do something else, then boom we were doing what he wants to do. I never complained or even spoke up about my wants. I just went with the flow. My friends would ask me what I wanted to do and I would mention something that interested me, they would go along with it and at the last minute find something else to do. I would also buy extra for lunch to share with other people, but knowone would return the favor. I would buy candygrams for many people and none would come to me. I always give....

After highschool,the guys I dated,which was not many,I surrended to their needs. I would want to have Taco Bell and they would chose filibertos (yuck). I would want to stay home and watch a movie they would want to hang out at a friends house. I would want to have a romantic night they would want to go to the bar. It was basically here that I didn't bother trying to do what I wanted to do anymore. I let everyone else make the decisions and they attached the leash. I am a a really giving person. When it is not a gift giving day I am still buying gifts to show the person how much I care about them. Something to brighten their day. It may be something small or something huge depends on what it is and how far away certain days of celebration are. But I am always thinking of someone else when I go anywhere. 'my mother would love this doll, how much is it'.

It is the same now in married life. But now when I am looking at stuff I am thinking, 'my husband would want this, how much is it.' When it comes to going places, yeah he asks me what I want to do but then says no. Reasons... it is too far away, we don't have enough money, that is the other direction, I don't feel like that, why don't we just..... and I surrender immediatly. I am not one for confrontation. Though my husband will dispute that, I am confrontational towards him all the time, according to him.

I will go, as far as going somewhere that I don't want to, or visiting someone that I dislike, just to be with him. To a degree that is certain people I WILL NOT go out with. If I don't go I will end up sitting at home all day and night alone. For instance... I am not that fond of the food place Chipotle or In N Out, he gets to eat at these places once or twice a week. I will go there and find something to eat because that is what my husband wants to eat. I don't like stupid comedies like Naked Gun and Delta Farce but I will watch them because my husband wants to. And I am not as excited about snake hunting. I do enjoy it sometimes but only during the good seasons when you actually see stuff. He likes to do it all year long, every single day, from sunset to sunrise. At the movies I say I want to see a certain movie and he will say people are saying so and so movie is awesome. That is where we will end up. I see my movie when it is comes out on tv.

I have stuff I like to do and places I like to go. I love thrill rides. I am addict towards fairs and such. Every year I would go to the fair and spend a whole day there. Now I am lucky if I get to go every couple of years. My husband only likes roller coasters. Anything that goes backwards or upside down he will not get on. So I am usually stuck riding with a stranger. The last time I went was like 3-4 years ago and I took my brother just so I could I ride with someone I knew. I enjoy horseback riding. Horses are my favorite animal. I used to go every year in July now it is every 4-5 years. I like swimming whether it is down the river, in a pool, or at a lake. Now it has to be a group activity that is planned roughly every 2 years. I love watching cartoons and kids shows. Now I only do that on my days off when my husband is not home. He got upset one day because I watched nothing but cartoons and animal shows. Now when he is home I am watching the news and regular tv shows.

Just once a year I want to indulge in my activities. Once a year I want to go horseback riding, once a year I want to go to the fair, once a year I want to go swimming. Many times a year I want a gift from out of the blue, for no reason, just for me. One I don't have to start a fight or ask for to get. I want flowers.... I know I said that I didn't care about them but I want the other people to be jelous that the love of my life loves me and he is not scared to show it. I want a suprise visit at work, just to have lunch or tell me that he loves me. I want to partake in my activities without having to drag someone else along. I want for me for once. Gimmie!!! I give everyone everything they want, when do the favors get returned.

Knowing my husband as well as I do. He will read this blog and then do something I want to do. He always does this. This is one of my ways that I get him to buy me stuff. I start a fight or mention it to someone and within a few days I got a surprise. Or I get to go somewhere I wanna go. Anyways that is my wine fest.