Oh god I didn't sleep at all. When I wasn't trying to get comfy I was thinking about how mad he is at me. I found that out really quick.
I set my alarm to get me up so I can make sure that he gets up too. He had reset his alarm for 15 more min. Instead of asking me why I wasn't in bed he asked me where the fuck were you. I answered with I couldn't sleep. So 15 min later I went in and got him up again. He had again reset the alarm and asked me why aren't you in bed? I told him I couldn't sleep. Each time I would crawl back into the futon bed in the babies room. Finally he got up and got ready.
One way I knew he was stilled pissed off at me, was the fact that he didn't even come in to check on me or anything. He just got up, got dressed, didn't have breakfast, and left immediately. The garage door is right by the babies room. You have to pass it to get out. He didn't even say anything to me. He set the house alarm and walked out.
I must have really did him good last night to make him hate me so much that he won't even talk to me. Any other day he would have gotten up and looked for me this morning. He would have been concerned that I was not in bed. He would have talked to me.
Well it is 817am I need to get ready for work. I know he won't contact me all day so I have to wait this out and see how long it takes him to calm down and talk to me. Now to figured out if I want to be upset tonight and have the baby stress out or stay away and see if he contacts me.
It is going to be a lovely day at work.
Friday, August 14, 2009
It was cold here last night....
I do not mean that just because my air conditioner was fixed last week. I mean it was cold in my bedroom. We went to bed on opposite sides of the bed last night. After awhile I got cold and lonely and went and slept in our future sons room. I still felt the same but at least I knew the love of my life was not beside me making me feel that way.
I don't know which stresses him out more, the fact that he could be fired if he does not pass this class, or that I am pregnant and not doing anything right.
Though being pregnant is one of my fondest dreams.... I have prayed and wished on stars for this. But lately I have wished I had never gotten pregnant. It has caused us to fight in ways we have never fought before. It scares me that he will walk out on me one of these days because my hormones are out of control and his blood sugar makes him have anger issues. Or because he will realize the baby is taking his freedom and my attention. Last week he was pulling at his hair and slamming his fist into the couch because I told him his blood sugar was dropping and he was turning stupid. Like I have for years. According to him that had always upset him. Last night he didn't say a word to me when he came to bed and then he made sure he was as far from me as possible. I said good night and he still ignored me. Eventually I went and slept in the other room. For once he didn't join me. In fact he didn't even ask me where I was going. That is how I new he was fuming about our argument.
It all started with me pushing him to study. He has to pass this class for work or they will fire him. He started the classes on Monday and they end Friday. He is taking the test Monday. I am really stupid when trying to help study because I have no idea what I am reading. I can't help at all with simulators because it involves the computer. After I had finally got him in there to study, he told me to come in and figure out the bills. I didn't want him distracted from his studies but after his pushing I went it. Also cause he said he would help. I went in and tallied everything. I found out how much we got paid and then asked his opinion on how we should pay them so we have money for our vacation. That is where it all turned south. We both started yelling. I was upset cause he said he would help me pay bills and didn't, and he was upset because I asked him to pay the house payment. He then pushed his keyboard away from him pissed off and started canceling the vacation and telling me was going to get fired. I know he needs to study I am the one that is pushing him to do it. He is the one that wants to watch tv and go herping. I paid the crucial ones and left us with 500 for the 2 weeks. I am prepared for the baby fund to be tapped on our vacation. I have 600 in it. We have basically bled it with emergencies. Why not one last week of freedom before the baby comes. We both go on vacation the 22nd. Around midnight I eventually shut down my computer and left the room.
I figured all was fine when I decided to go to bed. I brought him both of his medications and prepared the alarms. I even made sure the bed was ready so he could just slide in and right up against me. At 1240 I told him he needed to come to bed it was getting late. He said in a minute he would. At 10 past 1 he finally came out of the room and went outside to have a smoke. At 125 he came into the bedroom. I had passed out waiting for him. I was laying in a position where he could just back up into me and go into auto spoon. In stead I felt the cats walk the empty space between us. After ten minutes I new he was still pissed at me and I went away.
It is now 235am. I am going to distress and go to bed in the babies room. At least I can sleep now. I good cry while typing works out really well.
I don't know which stresses him out more, the fact that he could be fired if he does not pass this class, or that I am pregnant and not doing anything right.
Though being pregnant is one of my fondest dreams.... I have prayed and wished on stars for this. But lately I have wished I had never gotten pregnant. It has caused us to fight in ways we have never fought before. It scares me that he will walk out on me one of these days because my hormones are out of control and his blood sugar makes him have anger issues. Or because he will realize the baby is taking his freedom and my attention. Last week he was pulling at his hair and slamming his fist into the couch because I told him his blood sugar was dropping and he was turning stupid. Like I have for years. According to him that had always upset him. Last night he didn't say a word to me when he came to bed and then he made sure he was as far from me as possible. I said good night and he still ignored me. Eventually I went and slept in the other room. For once he didn't join me. In fact he didn't even ask me where I was going. That is how I new he was fuming about our argument.
It all started with me pushing him to study. He has to pass this class for work or they will fire him. He started the classes on Monday and they end Friday. He is taking the test Monday. I am really stupid when trying to help study because I have no idea what I am reading. I can't help at all with simulators because it involves the computer. After I had finally got him in there to study, he told me to come in and figure out the bills. I didn't want him distracted from his studies but after his pushing I went it. Also cause he said he would help. I went in and tallied everything. I found out how much we got paid and then asked his opinion on how we should pay them so we have money for our vacation. That is where it all turned south. We both started yelling. I was upset cause he said he would help me pay bills and didn't, and he was upset because I asked him to pay the house payment. He then pushed his keyboard away from him pissed off and started canceling the vacation and telling me was going to get fired. I know he needs to study I am the one that is pushing him to do it. He is the one that wants to watch tv and go herping. I paid the crucial ones and left us with 500 for the 2 weeks. I am prepared for the baby fund to be tapped on our vacation. I have 600 in it. We have basically bled it with emergencies. Why not one last week of freedom before the baby comes. We both go on vacation the 22nd. Around midnight I eventually shut down my computer and left the room.
I figured all was fine when I decided to go to bed. I brought him both of his medications and prepared the alarms. I even made sure the bed was ready so he could just slide in and right up against me. At 1240 I told him he needed to come to bed it was getting late. He said in a minute he would. At 10 past 1 he finally came out of the room and went outside to have a smoke. At 125 he came into the bedroom. I had passed out waiting for him. I was laying in a position where he could just back up into me and go into auto spoon. In stead I felt the cats walk the empty space between us. After ten minutes I new he was still pissed at me and I went away.
It is now 235am. I am going to distress and go to bed in the babies room. At least I can sleep now. I good cry while typing works out really well.
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