I think it is over. I have tried effortlessly to get my husband to fix our marriage. I know some of you are thinking well what am I doing to fix the marriage? I have talked to him, I have written blogs about it. Every 3 months I ask for help with the house and the kid. I have asked for 1 day a month where I can have me time. I have not been outright told no but I did just get ignored.
Many people notice and comment to me about how he treats me. They see that I never go out. They see that he leaves me to do everything. They have noticed that he is gone more than home. Many people have told me to leave him. I have just loved him to much to leave him. Until these past 2 months I never thought of it, he has left me no choice. If he is not willing to work on it I quit. I am tired of talking I want action.
We have been married for 16 years. Since 2005 I have asked for help with the house and 2009 with the kid. Yes I know that he works but it does not mean he can't contribute to the house. I worked up until 2 1/2 years ago and I still did everything. It is like I am living in the 50's where the man worked and the woman did everything else. Well the times have changed and I am finished being a slave.
Because my husband can not get his face out of electronics I decided to email him what has been bothering me. My efforts for vocal discussion always turned into a lot of screaming and walking out by him. I sent it to him on Saturday September 27th at 4am. He had just got home from a night of herping. On Sunday night I was putting his phone on the charger and decided to see if he read the email. He had, or at least he had opened it. I decided to send the email again that night. As a reminder. I have proceeded to mark the mail as new everyday, as he keeps marking them as read. Other than cuddling me on Saturday while I was cooking picking up the kids table on Tuesday, and having the kid watch him play on his phone while I cooked, he has made no other efforts towards the email. Here is the letter.
==================================
I really hope you are not reading this while I am awake. I just can not sit there and talk to you about what is wrong with me lately. You have the tendency to turn it all around. You start throwing temper tantrums. You do the blame game. You storm off. So I have decided to write it out.
Since your face is 24/7 inside some electronic device anymore maybe you will comprehend what I am saying better than me speaking it. I have tried numerous times to talk to you. EVERY single time you either fall asleep and the next day the conversation never happened. Or you start screaming at me and storm off, the next day the conversation never happened. Well this conversation, at least the first part is our normal every 3 months argument. The sections after are well you will see.
You might want to go have a cigarette before you start reading and bring a backup. Do not throw your phone and DO NOT come after me. I have been blogging again for the past month or so. http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
Problem 1:
FUCKING HELP ME SOME TIME. http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
You say that you pick up shit? What are you picking up a piece of kitty litter off the floor a grain of sugar from the stove? Before I go to bed I make sure there is no debree on the floor. I put away all the clothes that are strewn around the living room. The wet towel from the bathroom. The ripped up cardboard. All of the boys toys. I have even cleaned our room and our sons room. So what are you getting done? You do not do the dishes ( I know because I purposely leave dishes to see if you would do them). You do not do the laundry, vacuuming, dusting or even sweep the floor. Normally you do not do the trash unless its your day off and even then you get a bit punchy that you need to collect it. I usually end up doing it for you. You won't even clean up your own room. I always get pissed off and do it myself. Hell you can't even keep your work desk clean or your truck. I have noticed you pick up the poop once maybe twice a month. Or that is the yard guys doing it? You could help me stir dinner, serve dinner, make the drinks, put the dirty dishes in the sink, wash your own coffee cup, clean your son and his table, give your son a bath, how about put your socks and towels in the laundry basket? All I ask for is help. But instead you are on the phone. You wake up get on it before you are even out of bed. Go outside to smoke be on the phone. Come in sit on the couch on your phone until you are served your dinner. Even then you are still checking on your phone. After you eat if we are not in a show you get on your phone while I am cleaning up. You get on the phone while I pee. After dinner smoke you are on your phone. Then you are almost late for work because you are on your phone. While you are face glued to the screen I am dealing with the house, the kid, the dog, and you. So that is point 1 the reason I am upset. Every time I have asked for help you have just yell " I do but of course your right I donot do anything". Why don't you just tell me what you are doing? But no you prefer to yell and storm off.
Problem 2:
TRAPPED http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
I have the kid 24/7. I can not go anywhere without having the kid with me. I can not go anywhere ever. I hate him at the doctorsbecause it is impossible to talk to the doctor because he is blah blah the whole time. That is when he is not getting into something. My friends do not invite me over or out to do stuff anymore, I always say no because I have Rilee. I am completely rejected by everyone for doing anything because of how out of control he is. You are no help in this area. You remember my little argument about when you asked why I quit Facebook? I told you because the world revolves around you. It does. I never get to go
out ever. YOU DO. You go out herping every weekend or every day. We are no longer allowed on these trips because of how your son behaves. When herping season is over you go out fishing. Do we go no. You say it is because you don't want him to fall in the water. I am the one who watches him the whole time for both events. Not you. I don't really get to enjoy myself either because I am dealing with him the whole time. You are either on your phone or talking to the other people you have invited. Yay now I get ignored and I can't enjoy myself. Same goes for events we are invited to. I am chasing our son, feeding our son, and scolding our son, while you hang out and chit chatting. I ask you to watch him for 5 min so I can have a smoke and you don't. I always end up coming back in to deal with him, or yelling at him to get out of something. If I do get invited to something I would love to attend I have to notify you a month in advance, then remind you every week. You notify me a few hours before you are to leave. You can't even give me the courtesy of a heads up like might be going out with someone this Friday. I am not going to tell you no because you get pissy and take it out on me until you get to go. You refuse to be alone with him. Its such a major burden for you to take care of your son. When I am not feeling well or in pain I am still having to take care of the two of you. I get up cook your dinner and serve it. Then go to my room and return when you are finished to clean it up. You want to go somewhere and I say take your son I want to just relax and recuperate. You always make me come anyways. It makes me feel like you do not care. You get invited to dinner and movies and concerts. And you get to go. I do not tell you no because I do not want you trapped like I am. You are quite unpleasant when you don't get to do what you want to do. So you go and I do the same damn thing that I do every day. I sit and watch tv and play with your son. Oh and I do housework. Every night except for Wednesdays I am doing housework. I do all of it with only the help of your son, who does 10 times more work than you ever have. That's really pathetic.
http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
Problem 3:
MILD QUICK BITCHES
You jumped all over me because I thought the dinner at Arribas, the Sunday prior to my birthday, was my birthday dinner. So I tagged the place as my birthday dinner. You said it made you look like a bad guy. Well guess what I was NEVER taken to my birthday dinner. I took myself to a birthday breakfast and I invited you. I bought myself pizza for my birthday, put a candle on it and had Rilee sing me happy birthday. But was I ever taken out to dinner. NOPE. You got to go out on yours though. To a place you like with the food you like. I served you dinner in bed. I was going to do breakfast in bed but you decided you were going out herping on your birthday. Which forced me to serve your special breakfast and your special dinner on another day. Even though it was a rice crispy treat I still put a candle in it and sang you happy birthday.
Do you know I think of things to get you everywhere I go. I'm always looking for stuff that you would enjoy. You never do that for me. If you did I would get more surprises on random days of the week. I have a gift list for you for holidays but I have a he likes that list programmed in my head.
You are incapable of being on time for anything. You will not get up early unless it benefits you. You make me stay up till the crack of dawn because of your sleeping schedule. You do not have to get up at 8am.
Do you realise that you only spend 3 hours a day with your family?
Please stop blaming me when YOU don't want to do something. That is bullshit that you use me as a scape goat. No wonder your friends dislike me. For example. Devons birthday. You were running around all day doing stuff. You did not tell me that she was having a party. I would have loved to have gone.
If you are not in the mood on your days off or if you just want a quicky let me know WAY in advance. I really want my medication and I purposely don't take it so that our sexual experience is way better. If you are fed up trying to get me off just stop. When you keep trying you get tired, I can tell. Maybe if you listened to vocal commands it would go faster.
Problem 4:
DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?
http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
You asked me that tonight. I would think it is something on your mind. I have considered it. I will be honest because I am sick and tired of being a slave and a prisoner. I hate that everything revolves around you and the rest of the world can fuck off. I feel that you no longer love me. You know how I have been joking about you having a mistress? That is because I really think you have one. I am just waiting for you to slip up. It is the only explanation for everything that I have been noticing lately. The biggest one being when we are making love. At least that is what I still call it. You have been like you just want it over with quickly. No passion at all. I'm all over you, kissing everywhere, touching everything, getting heated up wanting passion. You are like here let me use the vibrator, ok now let me put it in, and were done, goodnight. I have noticed it a lot. I got you off 5 times on the weekend of your birthday. You got me off 0 times. I even asked you to use the massager and you told me no. If you get off then it is all over. You won't even try to finish me off. Once you are done YOU ARE DONE. I have been so tempted to just go into the living room and use the massager just so the blueclit will go away. Instead I torment myself and pray you will get me off some time. Sex on other nights have felt like wham bam eh oh well I got off screw her. Kisses have been pecks. You have not romantically touched me in a long time. When we are out in public there is an invisible line that you seem to use to avoid touching me. Especially in front of your friends. You walk away and don't return until YOU need something. You do not hold me anymore in any way. You think I don't sit with you on the couch because I don't care for you that much. The truth is and I have told you numerous times it is because I feel like screwing your brains out every time. I am forever grabbing your ass. I am forever trying to get you to sneak off for quickies. BTW I get told no more than I get told yes. You come home late from work and though you have no traffic at 8pm you still try to get out of here by 7:30 or 7:45. You are constantly on your phone. I ask what are you doing and you get all shifty and mumble. You go into work for conference calls and are gone for hours. I always secretly hope that you are bringing home a surprise, but no you just walk in and prepare to leave for a herping trip or you ask when food will be ready. So yeah I think you do have a someone else. If you do please stop using me and just leave me. I already hate myself and I hate how you use me already.
Ah hell you are home. I am just going to email this and hope you don't notice it while I am still awake. I really don't feel like fighting I have an incredible headache.
Many people notice and comment to me about how he treats me. They see that I never go out. They see that he leaves me to do everything. They have noticed that he is gone more than home. Many people have told me to leave him. I have just loved him to much to leave him. Until these past 2 months I never thought of it, he has left me no choice. If he is not willing to work on it I quit. I am tired of talking I want action.
We have been married for 16 years. Since 2005 I have asked for help with the house and 2009 with the kid. Yes I know that he works but it does not mean he can't contribute to the house. I worked up until 2 1/2 years ago and I still did everything. It is like I am living in the 50's where the man worked and the woman did everything else. Well the times have changed and I am finished being a slave.
Because my husband can not get his face out of electronics I decided to email him what has been bothering me. My efforts for vocal discussion always turned into a lot of screaming and walking out by him. I sent it to him on Saturday September 27th at 4am. He had just got home from a night of herping. On Sunday night I was putting his phone on the charger and decided to see if he read the email. He had, or at least he had opened it. I decided to send the email again that night. As a reminder. I have proceeded to mark the mail as new everyday, as he keeps marking them as read. Other than cuddling me on Saturday while I was cooking picking up the kids table on Tuesday, and having the kid watch him play on his phone while I cooked, he has made no other efforts towards the email. Here is the letter.
==================================
I really hope you are not reading this while I am awake. I just can not sit there and talk to you about what is wrong with me lately. You have the tendency to turn it all around. You start throwing temper tantrums. You do the blame game. You storm off. So I have decided to write it out.
Since your face is 24/7 inside some electronic device anymore maybe you will comprehend what I am saying better than me speaking it. I have tried numerous times to talk to you. EVERY single time you either fall asleep and the next day the conversation never happened. Or you start screaming at me and storm off, the next day the conversation never happened. Well this conversation, at least the first part is our normal every 3 months argument. The sections after are well you will see.
You might want to go have a cigarette before you start reading and bring a backup. Do not throw your phone and DO NOT come after me. I have been blogging again for the past month or so. http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
Problem 1:
FUCKING HELP ME SOME TIME. http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
You say that you pick up shit? What are you picking up a piece of kitty litter off the floor a grain of sugar from the stove? Before I go to bed I make sure there is no debree on the floor. I put away all the clothes that are strewn around the living room. The wet towel from the bathroom. The ripped up cardboard. All of the boys toys. I have even cleaned our room and our sons room. So what are you getting done? You do not do the dishes ( I know because I purposely leave dishes to see if you would do them). You do not do the laundry, vacuuming, dusting or even sweep the floor. Normally you do not do the trash unless its your day off and even then you get a bit punchy that you need to collect it. I usually end up doing it for you. You won't even clean up your own room. I always get pissed off and do it myself. Hell you can't even keep your work desk clean or your truck. I have noticed you pick up the poop once maybe twice a month. Or that is the yard guys doing it? You could help me stir dinner, serve dinner, make the drinks, put the dirty dishes in the sink, wash your own coffee cup, clean your son and his table, give your son a bath, how about put your socks and towels in the laundry basket? All I ask for is help. But instead you are on the phone. You wake up get on it before you are even out of bed. Go outside to smoke be on the phone. Come in sit on the couch on your phone until you are served your dinner. Even then you are still checking on your phone. After you eat if we are not in a show you get on your phone while I am cleaning up. You get on the phone while I pee. After dinner smoke you are on your phone. Then you are almost late for work because you are on your phone. While you are face glued to the screen I am dealing with the house, the kid, the dog, and you. So that is point 1 the reason I am upset. Every time I have asked for help you have just yell " I do but of course your right I donot do anything". Why don't you just tell me what you are doing? But no you prefer to yell and storm off.
Problem 2:
TRAPPED http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
I have the kid 24/7. I can not go anywhere without having the kid with me. I can not go anywhere ever. I hate him at the doctorsbecause it is impossible to talk to the doctor because he is blah blah the whole time. That is when he is not getting into something. My friends do not invite me over or out to do stuff anymore, I always say no because I have Rilee. I am completely rejected by everyone for doing anything because of how out of control he is. You are no help in this area. You remember my little argument about when you asked why I quit Facebook? I told you because the world revolves around you. It does. I never get to go
out ever. YOU DO. You go out herping every weekend or every day. We are no longer allowed on these trips because of how your son behaves. When herping season is over you go out fishing. Do we go no. You say it is because you don't want him to fall in the water. I am the one who watches him the whole time for both events. Not you. I don't really get to enjoy myself either because I am dealing with him the whole time. You are either on your phone or talking to the other people you have invited. Yay now I get ignored and I can't enjoy myself. Same goes for events we are invited to. I am chasing our son, feeding our son, and scolding our son, while you hang out and chit chatting. I ask you to watch him for 5 min so I can have a smoke and you don't. I always end up coming back in to deal with him, or yelling at him to get out of something. If I do get invited to something I would love to attend I have to notify you a month in advance, then remind you every week. You notify me a few hours before you are to leave. You can't even give me the courtesy of a heads up like might be going out with someone this Friday. I am not going to tell you no because you get pissy and take it out on me until you get to go. You refuse to be alone with him. Its such a major burden for you to take care of your son. When I am not feeling well or in pain I am still having to take care of the two of you. I get up cook your dinner and serve it. Then go to my room and return when you are finished to clean it up. You want to go somewhere and I say take your son I want to just relax and recuperate. You always make me come anyways. It makes me feel like you do not care. You get invited to dinner and movies and concerts. And you get to go. I do not tell you no because I do not want you trapped like I am. You are quite unpleasant when you don't get to do what you want to do. So you go and I do the same damn thing that I do every day. I sit and watch tv and play with your son. Oh and I do housework. Every night except for Wednesdays I am doing housework. I do all of it with only the help of your son, who does 10 times more work than you ever have. That's really pathetic.
http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
Problem 3:
MILD QUICK BITCHES
You jumped all over me because I thought the dinner at Arribas, the Sunday prior to my birthday, was my birthday dinner. So I tagged the place as my birthday dinner. You said it made you look like a bad guy. Well guess what I was NEVER taken to my birthday dinner. I took myself to a birthday breakfast and I invited you. I bought myself pizza for my birthday, put a candle on it and had Rilee sing me happy birthday. But was I ever taken out to dinner. NOPE. You got to go out on yours though. To a place you like with the food you like. I served you dinner in bed. I was going to do breakfast in bed but you decided you were going out herping on your birthday. Which forced me to serve your special breakfast and your special dinner on another day. Even though it was a rice crispy treat I still put a candle in it and sang you happy birthday.
Do you know I think of things to get you everywhere I go. I'm always looking for stuff that you would enjoy. You never do that for me. If you did I would get more surprises on random days of the week. I have a gift list for you for holidays but I have a he likes that list programmed in my head.
You are incapable of being on time for anything. You will not get up early unless it benefits you. You make me stay up till the crack of dawn because of your sleeping schedule. You do not have to get up at 8am.
Do you realise that you only spend 3 hours a day with your family?
Please stop blaming me when YOU don't want to do something. That is bullshit that you use me as a scape goat. No wonder your friends dislike me. For example. Devons birthday. You were running around all day doing stuff. You did not tell me that she was having a party. I would have loved to have gone.
If you are not in the mood on your days off or if you just want a quicky let me know WAY in advance. I really want my medication and I purposely don't take it so that our sexual experience is way better. If you are fed up trying to get me off just stop. When you keep trying you get tired, I can tell. Maybe if you listened to vocal commands it would go faster.
Problem 4:
DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?
http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
You asked me that tonight. I would think it is something on your mind. I have considered it. I will be honest because I am sick and tired of being a slave and a prisoner. I hate that everything revolves around you and the rest of the world can fuck off. I feel that you no longer love me. You know how I have been joking about you having a mistress? That is because I really think you have one. I am just waiting for you to slip up. It is the only explanation for everything that I have been noticing lately. The biggest one being when we are making love. At least that is what I still call it. You have been like you just want it over with quickly. No passion at all. I'm all over you, kissing everywhere, touching everything, getting heated up wanting passion. You are like here let me use the vibrator, ok now let me put it in, and were done, goodnight. I have noticed it a lot. I got you off 5 times on the weekend of your birthday. You got me off 0 times. I even asked you to use the massager and you told me no. If you get off then it is all over. You won't even try to finish me off. Once you are done YOU ARE DONE. I have been so tempted to just go into the living room and use the massager just so the blueclit will go away. Instead I torment myself and pray you will get me off some time. Sex on other nights have felt like wham bam eh oh well I got off screw her. Kisses have been pecks. You have not romantically touched me in a long time. When we are out in public there is an invisible line that you seem to use to avoid touching me. Especially in front of your friends. You walk away and don't return until YOU need something. You do not hold me anymore in any way. You think I don't sit with you on the couch because I don't care for you that much. The truth is and I have told you numerous times it is because I feel like screwing your brains out every time. I am forever grabbing your ass. I am forever trying to get you to sneak off for quickies. BTW I get told no more than I get told yes. You come home late from work and though you have no traffic at 8pm you still try to get out of here by 7:30 or 7:45. You are constantly on your phone. I ask what are you doing and you get all shifty and mumble. You go into work for conference calls and are gone for hours. I always secretly hope that you are bringing home a surprise, but no you just walk in and prepare to leave for a herping trip or you ask when food will be ready. So yeah I think you do have a someone else. If you do please stop using me and just leave me. I already hate myself and I hate how you use me already.
Ah hell you are home. I am just going to email this and hope you don't notice it while I am still awake. I really don't feel like fighting I have an incredible headache.
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Here is more I thought of after I had sent the email.
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As of October 3rd, 2014 I have evicted my husband from the house. I had originally planned to kick him out Thursday morning but I care to much to affect his job. So I held it out one more day. I left him a letter in text message, email and on facebook messenger at 5:25 a.m. I also left a message on his steering wheel of the truck that says maybe you should read your messages before you leave. Here is the message I sent him.
===========================================================
DO NOT COME HOME! Do not contact me for a day or so. When you want and I mean seriously want, to fix this marriage, give me a call. By your actions I am guessing not. I have been stressing about this all week. Migraines all day, to upset to eat. I have backed out numerous times. But the more you ignored me the more pissed off I got. Now it is your turn. I have removed your house keys and garage door opener. Go to Nanas.
Instead your on facebook, on your computer, or playing games, and making plans with people. Not replying to the email I have sent you. You just ignored it like do all of our conversations. NOTHING has changed. I guess you really don't think of me when your out, like I do of you. I guess you really do have a mistress. I was hoping I was joking about her, but I guess I was right. So for the sake of our son and my sanity do not bother coming home. You can go back to living with your grandmother, or with your lover. They can wait on you hand and foot. I have brought you your camera, medicine, and work clothes while you were working, to Nanas. Who was nice enough to tell me I am a moron and being selfish. She also told me to leave you and Rilee. IF that is what you want fine. Just give me time to find a place to live. Stay away from me for awhile. If you want to see your son I will drop him off and pick him up. (But most likely you will never call on him as you hate being alone with him) I can't believe I thought you would change. You don't want to save this marriage that has become very obvious. 16 years down the drain. I'm so stupid. I tried to work it out. I figured talking never got me anywhere so I wrote you the letter in hopes you would strive to make our marriage work. Guess it is to much work for you. I still love you, but I can't handle it anymore. Enjoy your mistress, enjoy YOUR freedom, enjoy your life. Nana is awaiting your arrival. I'm sorry I ruined your life. I'm sorry I got fat. I'm sorry for giving you a child you don't want. Continue your life as it was. Not like anything has changed for you except where your head rests. You will still have someone (mistress and nana) taking care of you, cooking for you, and making sure you are happy. Now you don't have to see those you care nothing about. I hate you right now. Good-bye.
Here is my email once again so you have a clue as to why I am so mad at you.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I really hope you are not reading this while I am awake. I just can not sit there and talk to you about what is wrong with me lately. You have the tendency to turn it all around. You start throwing temper tantrums. You do the blame game. You storm off. So I have decided to write it out.
Since your face is 24/7 inside some electronic device anymore maybe you will comprehend what I am saying better than me speaking it. I have tried numerous times to talk to you. EVERY single time you either fall asleep and the next day the conversation never happened. Or you start screaming at me and storm off, the next day the conversation never happened. Well this conversation, at least the first part is our normal every 3 months argument. The sections after are well you will see.
You might want to go have a cigarette before you start reading and bring a backup. Do not throw your phone and DO NOT come after me. I have been blogging again for the past month or so. http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
Problem 1:
FUCKING HELP ME SOME TIME. http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
You say that you pick up shit? What are you picking up a piece of kitty litter off the floor a grain of sugar from the stove? Before I go to bed I make sure there is no debree on the floor. I put away all the clothes that are strewn around the living room. The wet towel from the bathroom. The ripped up cardboard. All of the boys toys. I have even cleaned our room and our sons room. So what are you getting done? You do not do the dishes ( I know because I purposely leave dishes to see if you would do them). You do not do the laundry, vacuuming, dusting or even sweep the floor. Normally you do not do the trash unless its your day off and even then you get a bit punchy that you need to collect it. I usually end up doing it for you. You won't even clean up your own room. I always get pissed off and do it myself. Hell you can't even keep your work desk clean or your truck. I have noticed you pick up the poop once maybe twice a month. Or that is the yard guys doing it? You could help me stir dinner, serve dinner, make the drinks, put the dirty dishes in the sink, wash your own coffee cup, clean your son and his table, give your son a bath, how about put your socks and towels in the laundry basket? All I ask for is help. But instead you are on the phone. You wake up get on it before you are even out of bed. Go outside to smoke be on the phone. Come in sit on the couch on your phone until you are served your dinner. Even then you are still checking on your phone. After you eat if we are not in a show you get on your phone while I am cleaning up. You get on the phone while I pee. After dinner smoke you are on your phone. Then you are almost late for work because you are on your phone. While you are face glued to the screen I am dealing with the house, the kid, the dog, and you. So that is point 1 the reason I am upset. Every time I have asked for help you have just yell " I do but of course your right I donot do anything". Why don't you just tell me what you are doing? But no you prefer to yell and storm off.
Problem 2:
TRAPPED http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
I have the kid 24/7. I can not go anywhere without having the kid with me. I can not go anywhere ever. I hate him at the doctorsbecause it is impossible to talk to the doctor because he is blah blah the whole time. That is when he is not getting into something. My friends do not invite me over or out to do stuff anymore, I always say no because I have Rilee. I am completely rejected by everyone for doing anything because of how out of control he is. You are no help in this area. You remember my little argument about when you asked why I quit Facebook? I told you because the world revolves around you. It does. I never get to go
out ever. YOU DO. You go out herping every weekend or every day. We are no longer allowed on these trips because of how your son behaves. When herping season is over you go out fishing. Do we go no. You say it is because you don't want him to fall in the water. I am the one who watches him the whole time for both events. Not you. I don't really get to enjoy myself either because I am dealing with him the whole time. You are either on your phone or talking to the other people you have invited. Yay now I get ignored and I can't enjoy myself. Same goes for events we are invited to. I am chasing our son, feeding our son, and scolding our son, while you hang out and chit chatting. I ask you to watch him for 5 min so I can have a smoke and you don't. I always end up coming back in to deal with him, or yelling at him to get out of something. If I do get invited to something I would love to attend I have to notify you a month in advance, then remind you every week. You notify me a few hours before you are to leave. You can't even give me the courtesy of a heads up like might be going out with someone this Friday. I am not going to tell you no because you get pissy and take it out on me until you get to go. You refuse to be alone with him. Its such a major burden for you to take care of your son. When I am not feeling well or in pain I am still having to take care of the two of you. I get up cook your dinner and serve it. Then go to my room and return when you are finished to clean it up. You want to go somewhere and I say take your son I want to just relax and recuperate. You always make me come anyways. It makes me feel like you do not care. You get invited to dinner and movies and concerts. And you get to go. I do not tell you no because I do not want you trapped like I am. You are quite unpleasant when you don't get to do what you want to do. So you go and I do the same damn thing that I do every day. I sit and watch tv and play with your son. Oh and I do housework. Every night except for Wednesdays I am doing housework. I do all of it with only the help of your son, who does 10 times more work than you ever have. That's really pathetic.
http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
Problem 3:
MILD QUICK BITCHES
You jumped all over me because I thought the dinner at Arribas, the Sunday prior to my birthday, was my birthday dinner. So I tagged the place as my birthday dinner. You said it made you look like a bad guy. Well guess what I was NEVER taken to my birthday dinner. I took myself to a birthday breakfast and I invited you. I bought myself pizza for my birthday, put a candle on it and had Rilee sing me happy birthday. But was I ever taken out to dinner. NOPE. You got to go out on yours though. To a place you like with the food you like. I served you dinner in bed. I was going to do breakfast in bed but you decided you were going out herping on your birthday. Which forced me to serve your special breakfast and your special dinner on another day. Even though it was a rice crispy treat I still put a candle in it and sang you happy birthday.
Do you know I think of things to get you everywhere I go. I'm always looking for stuff that you would enjoy. You never do that for me. If you did I would get more surprises on random days of the week. I have a gift list for you for holidays but I have a he likes that list programmed in my head.
You are incapable of being on time for anything. You will not get up early unless it benefits you. You make me stay up till the crack of dawn because of your sleeping schedule. You do not have to get up at 8am.
Do you realise that you only spend 3 hours a day with your family?
Please stop blaming me when YOU don't want to do something. That is bullshit that you use me as a scape goat. No wonder your friends dislike me. For example. Devons birthday. You were running around all day doing stuff. You did not tell me that she was having a party. I would have loved to have gone.
If you are not in the mood on your days off or if you just want a quicky let me know WAY in advance. I really want my medication and I purposely don't take it so that our sexual experience is way better. If you are fed up trying to get me off just stop. When you keep trying you get tired, I can tell. Maybe if you listened to vocal commands it would go faster.
Problem 4:
DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?
http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
You asked me that tonight. I would think it is something on your mind. I have considered it. I will be honest because I am sick and tired of being a slave and a prisoner. I hate that everything revolves around you and the rest of the world can fuck off. I feel that you no longer love me. You know how I have been joking about you having a mistress? That is because I really think you have one. I am just waiting for you to slip up. It is the only explanation for everything that I have been noticing lately. The biggest one being when we are making love. At least that is what I still call it. You have been like you just want it over with quickly. No passion at all. I'm all over you, kissing everywhere, touching everything, getting heated up wanting passion. You are like here let me use the vibrator, ok now let me put it in, and were done, goodnight. I have noticed it a lot. I got you off 5 times on the weekend of your birthday. You got me off 0 times. I even asked you to use the massager and you told me no. If you get off then it is all over. You won't even try to finish me off. Once you are done YOU ARE DONE. I have been so tempted to just go into the living room and use the massager just so the blueclit will go away. Instead I torment myself and pray you will get me off some time. Sex on other nights have felt like wham bam eh oh well I got off screw her. Kisses have been pecks. You have not romantically touched me in a long time. When we are out in public there is an invisible line that you seem to use to avoid touching me. Especially in front of your friends. You walk away and don't return until YOU need something. You do not hold me anymore in any way. You think I don't sit with you on the couch because I don't care for you that much. The truth is and I have told you numerous times it is because I feel like screwing your brains out every time. I am forever grabbing your ass. I am forever trying to get you to sneak off for quickies. BTW I get told no more than I get told yes. You come home late from work and though you have no traffic at 8pm you still try to get out of here by 7:30 or 7:45. You are constantly on your phone. I ask what are you doing and you get all shifty and mumble. You go into work for conference calls and are gone for hours. I always secretly hope that you are bringing home a surprise, but no you just walk in and prepare to leave for a herping trip or you ask when food will be ready. So yeah I think you do have a someone else. If you do please stop using me and just leave me. I already hate myself and I hate how you use me already.
Here is more I thought of after I had sent the email.
=========================================================
I dropped his stuff off at this grandmothers and she proceeded to tell me that I was stupid and selfish. She said he was not cheating on me. She also called me a liar about having to request a day off a month in advance. She made it clear that I was completely wrong and that this was a stupid idea. She also told me to leave my husband and child and the house. If that is what he wants I will. Well ya know talking gets me nowhere and he ignored my email. Maybe kicking him out will make him think oh shit shes serious.
Here is more I thought of after I had sent the email.
Why can't I have a job Fri and Saturday
I have been asking since April to get me books and last month for music and you never do. But you go in daily and get movies and music for you.
Still waiting for that time movie
Unless you want it I can't have it. You buy gifts that benefit you.
I don't get to go to bed til you do. Your not the one that has to get up with the kid. You do not do that, even when you work the day shift.
Your diabetes is being used a crutch way to often.
Your promises are shit. Your diabetes is being used a crutch way to often.
=============================================================
As of October 3rd, 2014 I have evicted my husband from the house. I had originally planned to kick him out Thursday morning but I care to much to affect his job. So I held it out one more day. I left him a letter in text message, email and on facebook messenger at 5:25 a.m. I also left a message on his steering wheel of the truck that says maybe you should read your messages before you leave. Here is the message I sent him.
===========================================================
DO NOT COME HOME! Do not contact me for a day or so. When you want and I mean seriously want, to fix this marriage, give me a call. By your actions I am guessing not. I have been stressing about this all week. Migraines all day, to upset to eat. I have backed out numerous times. But the more you ignored me the more pissed off I got. Now it is your turn. I have removed your house keys and garage door opener. Go to Nanas.
It is perfectly clear how you feel about this marriage. You
obviously don't give a shit anymore. I know you have read my emails or at least opened them. I even went in and marked those
emails important and unread daily, to remind you of them. You kept marking them as read. Saturday I thought,
woo hoo, he understands, because you were loving on me. But then Sunday
and on, rolled around and it was back to normal. Now Sunday I can
understand you were working. But Monday? Tuesday? Wednesday? Thursday?
You have said nothing about it. You have not replied to it. You have not
made any action towards correcting the situation. DO NOT tell me you
have not had time. You could have done something about it Monday
morning, or Monday night. Tuesday morning you were on irc and only
concerned with your game and shows. Tuesday night you brought out his
table, and tried to relieve the headache (I did not want you touching me you cheater you are the reason for it), but still no reference with
the email. I have been making the emails new every day in hopes that you do something about it. Oh and thanks for locking
me out of your computer. Wednesday morning you made a 5 hour time laps video. Wednesday night you made it known to me that you were keeping our son occupied. Yes I see that, and thank you, but you were just playing on your phone and making him watch. You could have been in the kitchen asking how you can help. You could have been setting up his stuff. You could have made drinks. You could have done the dishes or taken out the trash. Thursday you just went to bed and said nothing to me. Not even your typical text instead of talking to me that you have been doing this week. Dave I tried to work it out with you. I finally lost the battle. Begging can only get me so far. I have begged for years. You have more than enough time to write me back or do something for me to show you understand. I left dishes in the sink every day and you did not do them. This morning there were only 3. Put away your dirty clothes? Clean up the poop? Take out the trash? Wash your coffee cup? Something. But no it did not benefit you so your not going to do it. Your grandmother calls me selfish? Maybe she should talk to your friends, my friends, your co-workers.
Instead your on facebook, on your computer, or playing games, and making plans with people. Not replying to the email I have sent you. You just ignored it like do all of our conversations. NOTHING has changed. I guess you really don't think of me when your out, like I do of you. I guess you really do have a mistress. I was hoping I was joking about her, but I guess I was right. So for the sake of our son and my sanity do not bother coming home. You can go back to living with your grandmother, or with your lover. They can wait on you hand and foot. I have brought you your camera, medicine, and work clothes while you were working, to Nanas. Who was nice enough to tell me I am a moron and being selfish. She also told me to leave you and Rilee. IF that is what you want fine. Just give me time to find a place to live. Stay away from me for awhile. If you want to see your son I will drop him off and pick him up. (But most likely you will never call on him as you hate being alone with him) I can't believe I thought you would change. You don't want to save this marriage that has become very obvious. 16 years down the drain. I'm so stupid. I tried to work it out. I figured talking never got me anywhere so I wrote you the letter in hopes you would strive to make our marriage work. Guess it is to much work for you. I still love you, but I can't handle it anymore. Enjoy your mistress, enjoy YOUR freedom, enjoy your life. Nana is awaiting your arrival. I'm sorry I ruined your life. I'm sorry I got fat. I'm sorry for giving you a child you don't want. Continue your life as it was. Not like anything has changed for you except where your head rests. You will still have someone (mistress and nana) taking care of you, cooking for you, and making sure you are happy. Now you don't have to see those you care nothing about. I hate you right now. Good-bye.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I really hope you are not reading this while I am awake. I just can not sit there and talk to you about what is wrong with me lately. You have the tendency to turn it all around. You start throwing temper tantrums. You do the blame game. You storm off. So I have decided to write it out.
Since your face is 24/7 inside some electronic device anymore maybe you will comprehend what I am saying better than me speaking it. I have tried numerous times to talk to you. EVERY single time you either fall asleep and the next day the conversation never happened. Or you start screaming at me and storm off, the next day the conversation never happened. Well this conversation, at least the first part is our normal every 3 months argument. The sections after are well you will see.
You might want to go have a cigarette before you start reading and bring a backup. Do not throw your phone and DO NOT come after me. I have been blogging again for the past month or so. http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
Problem 1:
FUCKING HELP ME SOME TIME. http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
You say that you pick up shit? What are you picking up a piece of kitty litter off the floor a grain of sugar from the stove? Before I go to bed I make sure there is no debree on the floor. I put away all the clothes that are strewn around the living room. The wet towel from the bathroom. The ripped up cardboard. All of the boys toys. I have even cleaned our room and our sons room. So what are you getting done? You do not do the dishes ( I know because I purposely leave dishes to see if you would do them). You do not do the laundry, vacuuming, dusting or even sweep the floor. Normally you do not do the trash unless its your day off and even then you get a bit punchy that you need to collect it. I usually end up doing it for you. You won't even clean up your own room. I always get pissed off and do it myself. Hell you can't even keep your work desk clean or your truck. I have noticed you pick up the poop once maybe twice a month. Or that is the yard guys doing it? You could help me stir dinner, serve dinner, make the drinks, put the dirty dishes in the sink, wash your own coffee cup, clean your son and his table, give your son a bath, how about put your socks and towels in the laundry basket? All I ask for is help. But instead you are on the phone. You wake up get on it before you are even out of bed. Go outside to smoke be on the phone. Come in sit on the couch on your phone until you are served your dinner. Even then you are still checking on your phone. After you eat if we are not in a show you get on your phone while I am cleaning up. You get on the phone while I pee. After dinner smoke you are on your phone. Then you are almost late for work because you are on your phone. While you are face glued to the screen I am dealing with the house, the kid, the dog, and you. So that is point 1 the reason I am upset. Every time I have asked for help you have just yell " I do but of course your right I donot do anything". Why don't you just tell me what you are doing? But no you prefer to yell and storm off.
Problem 2:
TRAPPED http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
I have the kid 24/7. I can not go anywhere without having the kid with me. I can not go anywhere ever. I hate him at the doctorsbecause it is impossible to talk to the doctor because he is blah blah the whole time. That is when he is not getting into something. My friends do not invite me over or out to do stuff anymore, I always say no because I have Rilee. I am completely rejected by everyone for doing anything because of how out of control he is. You are no help in this area. You remember my little argument about when you asked why I quit Facebook? I told you because the world revolves around you. It does. I never get to go
out ever. YOU DO. You go out herping every weekend or every day. We are no longer allowed on these trips because of how your son behaves. When herping season is over you go out fishing. Do we go no. You say it is because you don't want him to fall in the water. I am the one who watches him the whole time for both events. Not you. I don't really get to enjoy myself either because I am dealing with him the whole time. You are either on your phone or talking to the other people you have invited. Yay now I get ignored and I can't enjoy myself. Same goes for events we are invited to. I am chasing our son, feeding our son, and scolding our son, while you hang out and chit chatting. I ask you to watch him for 5 min so I can have a smoke and you don't. I always end up coming back in to deal with him, or yelling at him to get out of something. If I do get invited to something I would love to attend I have to notify you a month in advance, then remind you every week. You notify me a few hours before you are to leave. You can't even give me the courtesy of a heads up like might be going out with someone this Friday. I am not going to tell you no because you get pissy and take it out on me until you get to go. You refuse to be alone with him. Its such a major burden for you to take care of your son. When I am not feeling well or in pain I am still having to take care of the two of you. I get up cook your dinner and serve it. Then go to my room and return when you are finished to clean it up. You want to go somewhere and I say take your son I want to just relax and recuperate. You always make me come anyways. It makes me feel like you do not care. You get invited to dinner and movies and concerts. And you get to go. I do not tell you no because I do not want you trapped like I am. You are quite unpleasant when you don't get to do what you want to do. So you go and I do the same damn thing that I do every day. I sit and watch tv and play with your son. Oh and I do housework. Every night except for Wednesdays I am doing housework. I do all of it with only the help of your son, who does 10 times more work than you ever have. That's really pathetic.
http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
Problem 3:
MILD QUICK BITCHES
You jumped all over me because I thought the dinner at Arribas, the Sunday prior to my birthday, was my birthday dinner. So I tagged the place as my birthday dinner. You said it made you look like a bad guy. Well guess what I was NEVER taken to my birthday dinner. I took myself to a birthday breakfast and I invited you. I bought myself pizza for my birthday, put a candle on it and had Rilee sing me happy birthday. But was I ever taken out to dinner. NOPE. You got to go out on yours though. To a place you like with the food you like. I served you dinner in bed. I was going to do breakfast in bed but you decided you were going out herping on your birthday. Which forced me to serve your special breakfast and your special dinner on another day. Even though it was a rice crispy treat I still put a candle in it and sang you happy birthday.
Do you know I think of things to get you everywhere I go. I'm always looking for stuff that you would enjoy. You never do that for me. If you did I would get more surprises on random days of the week. I have a gift list for you for holidays but I have a he likes that list programmed in my head.
You are incapable of being on time for anything. You will not get up early unless it benefits you. You make me stay up till the crack of dawn because of your sleeping schedule. You do not have to get up at 8am.
Do you realise that you only spend 3 hours a day with your family?
Please stop blaming me when YOU don't want to do something. That is bullshit that you use me as a scape goat. No wonder your friends dislike me. For example. Devons birthday. You were running around all day doing stuff. You did not tell me that she was having a party. I would have loved to have gone.
If you are not in the mood on your days off or if you just want a quicky let me know WAY in advance. I really want my medication and I purposely don't take it so that our sexual experience is way better. If you are fed up trying to get me off just stop. When you keep trying you get tired, I can tell. Maybe if you listened to vocal commands it would go faster.
Problem 4:
DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?
http://psykocat.blogspot.com/
You asked me that tonight. I would think it is something on your mind. I have considered it. I will be honest because I am sick and tired of being a slave and a prisoner. I hate that everything revolves around you and the rest of the world can fuck off. I feel that you no longer love me. You know how I have been joking about you having a mistress? That is because I really think you have one. I am just waiting for you to slip up. It is the only explanation for everything that I have been noticing lately. The biggest one being when we are making love. At least that is what I still call it. You have been like you just want it over with quickly. No passion at all. I'm all over you, kissing everywhere, touching everything, getting heated up wanting passion. You are like here let me use the vibrator, ok now let me put it in, and were done, goodnight. I have noticed it a lot. I got you off 5 times on the weekend of your birthday. You got me off 0 times. I even asked you to use the massager and you told me no. If you get off then it is all over. You won't even try to finish me off. Once you are done YOU ARE DONE. I have been so tempted to just go into the living room and use the massager just so the blueclit will go away. Instead I torment myself and pray you will get me off some time. Sex on other nights have felt like wham bam eh oh well I got off screw her. Kisses have been pecks. You have not romantically touched me in a long time. When we are out in public there is an invisible line that you seem to use to avoid touching me. Especially in front of your friends. You walk away and don't return until YOU need something. You do not hold me anymore in any way. You think I don't sit with you on the couch because I don't care for you that much. The truth is and I have told you numerous times it is because I feel like screwing your brains out every time. I am forever grabbing your ass. I am forever trying to get you to sneak off for quickies. BTW I get told no more than I get told yes. You come home late from work and though you have no traffic at 8pm you still try to get out of here by 7:30 or 7:45. You are constantly on your phone. I ask what are you doing and you get all shifty and mumble. You go into work for conference calls and are gone for hours. I always secretly hope that you are bringing home a surprise, but no you just walk in and prepare to leave for a herping trip or you ask when food will be ready. So yeah I think you do have a someone else. If you do please stop using me and just leave me. I already hate myself and I hate how you use me already.
Here is more I thought of after I had sent the email.
Why can't I have a job Fri and Saturday
I
have been asking since April to get me books and last month for music
and you never do. But you go in daily and get movies and music for you.
Still waiting for that time movie
Unless you want it I can't have it. You buy gifts that benefit you.
I
don't get to go to bed til you do. Your not the one that has to get up
with the kid. You do not do that, even when you work the day shift.
Your diabetes is being used a crutch way to often.
Why do you always shave and shower when you are going out with friends. Or you shave on the last day of work? You work graveyard who notices? (mistress)
Your promises are shit. Your diabetes is being used a crutch way to often.
Why do you always shave and shower when you are going out with friends. Or you shave on the last day of work? You work graveyard who notices? (mistress)
=========================================================
I dropped his stuff off at this grandmothers and she proceeded to tell me that I was stupid and selfish. She said he was not cheating on me. She also called me a liar about having to request a day off a month in advance. She made it clear that I was completely wrong and that this was a stupid idea. She also told me to leave my husband and child and the house. If that is what he wants I will. Well ya know talking gets me nowhere and he ignored my email. Maybe kicking him out will make him think oh shit shes serious.
