Ugh seriously

I am done. I am so fucking done.  I have decided that I give up on asking my husband to do anything.

The primary reason for this post is that he is completely against me taking me time. If I leave our child with him to go take a bath, I end up getting out to deal with them fighting. Every single time that I ask him to get up with our son he gets pissed off. Yelling from the second I asked him. When I am asking him to get up with our son  it is because I have had a rough night .  I was either up with our son  dealing with him all night , or I was having complications myself. To keep me from sleeping in he will start by arguing with me and finishing by get into a screaming match with his son which forces me to get up and deal with it. Unlike him I can't just climb back into bed and go back to sleep. All I ask is for one day a week where I can sleep in. Where I don't have to get up and deal with the dog and deal with the kid and deal with the house and deal with breakfast. I would love for a whole day off,  a day where I don't have to cook and clean. I don't get that on my birthday or on Mother's Day so why should I get it on a sick day. But that is impossible. My husband is incapable of taking care of himself anyway.

My husband will not eat all day long. To avoid making food he will go out and buy food. He doesn't know how to do laundry and doing dishes hurts his back. He can't put stuff away because he doesn't know where it goes. I can blame myself as I never asked him to do anything or bothered to teach him how to do anything. His grandmother who he lived with up until we met never made him do anything. You would think after 18 years of marriage and watching me he would pick up a few things that I do,  on a daily basis.

Last night I went to bed before him. Something I never do. I usually go to bed 2 hours after he has. But last night I was falling over exhausted. I dozed off smoking a cigarette. I dozed off playing a game on my phone. Last night I crawled into the bed and do not remember anything until he crawled into the bed. I turned over and told him I was feeling sick. Got no response from him for saying it . At roughly 3 a.m. I woke up to vomiting. After 10 minutes I crawled back into bed just to be woke up an hour later to vomiting. My last extreme spell was at 5:15 a.m. I decided at that point since my husband needed to take a shower anyways that he could get up with our son. It took him about 30 seconds to start yelling at me. He really dislikes getting up earlier than he has to. After he made it a point to repeatedly come into the room and tear into me for being sick, I got up. I got our son dressed I brushed his teeth (while dry heaving) he sat on the couch and yelled. I made sure his backpack was ready and we took him out to the bus. He proceeded to get pissed and yell at me saying that he was taking me to the emergency room. It's not like this could end in 24 hours. I'm sorry that I asked you to get up.

I'm sorry that I'm sick. Judging by the contents of the vomit it consisted of last night's dinner. Obviously something from dinner did not agree with me. But he refused to believe that it was the meal that made me sick. He reminded me that he also ate the beans and the mushrooms and the tortilla so it couldn't have been dinner that made me so sick.

It's perfectly clear now.  No matter how I fel,  or that I had a rough night.  LET HUBBY WAKE HIMSELF.  God forbid I ever get violently ill.  He gets mad that I don't tell him I'm sick or hurting anymore...  Hmm wonder why. 

I'm going back to its my little secret. 

I went to take the dog piss and he checked his blood sugar. Guess it was fine as he didn't come out and shove the results in my face.  He just left for work and didn't say bye.  That's another thing that he does. When his temper is on the rise he blames it on his blood sugar. He will tell me it's high and that is why he is losing his temper. It will end up being low and he will still blame his blood sugar. It don't matter if it's high or low when he's pissed off he's pissed off. And he takes it out on me and our son. Our son doesn't understand to stay away from Daddy when he was losing his temper. No matter how often I tell him to leave daddy alone. I am going to have a cup of hot tea and hope I can hold it down.

R.I.P Mystyk

We acquired Mystyk from our neighbors.  We had been looking for an adult playmate for Axl.  He was owned by a couple who had separated and the daughter left dum dum (later Mystyk) with her mom until she could find a new home.  Well her moms cat and Dum Dum did not get along.  She would leave one locked in a room,  while the other one runs around, then cycle them out.  Well the mom decided,  it was unfair to her cat,  she was going to take dum dum to the pound.  I decided to give him a trial run.  I said 5 days, if they are not kosher he goes. Well 3 days in and we decided to keep him.  Changing his name to mystyk. 

Mystyk got his name because he was basically a mystery to us.  When he was younger he suckled.  Would kneed and suck whatever cloth was closests.  Everytime Dave opened his room door Mystyk would appear in the room.  Waiting for him to sit down so he could get on his lap.  He loved licking people's heads.  Especially my dad's head.  If your shoes smelled like cat he would fall on your shoes and mark the hell out of them.  Everyone who entered our house was greeted by Mystyk.  When Rilee was born.  He immediately took to him.  Always layed by him and would lick his scalp.  Watched over him when he slept.  Would sit and stare at his bed at night.  He would answer when you said his name with a meowpurr.  Layed on the bed next to me every night until I fell asleep,  then go to the bed on the nightstand.  He never got in trouble.

Then 2 weeks ago he was laying on the floor by the back door.  Rilee picked him up and he screamed.  He limped back into our bedroom.  I checked his leg and nails,  and spine,  felt nothing out of place.  This went on for awhile.  He stopped eatting but he was drinking and using the litterbox. He was getting better at walking. Rilee grabbed him and put him on the chaise and held him.  Mystyk peed on it. We had told him repeatedly to leave him alone cause get was hurt bad. Then 4 days ago he started eatting and climbing up on the bed again. I was excited. He was still sore but recovering.  Then the night before he died Rilee had grabbed him while we were out of the room.  I came into the room and he took off running with Mystyk and dropped him on the floor.  The cat just laid there crying.  I stood him up and tried to get him to walk.  He wouldn't.  Eventually he got up but was shaking.  Mystyk came out 1 time yesterday.  But he was bad.  His whole body was shaking.

The last time I saw him.  He tried to walk in the kitchen but couldn't so he stopped and took a break in the scratching post.  Hour later he continued into the kitchen and tried to get a drink.  I noticed his head twitching,  and his whole body shaking.  He climbed into axl's hole. He looked as though he had had a seizure.  I tried to feed him but he denied.  2 hours later he tried to walk into the bedroom.  I carefully carried him and cradled him into the bedroom.  I sat and pet him and kissed him before laying him on his bed.  If I'd know it was my last time to see him alive I would have held him longer. 

When Dave came home I told him about Mystyk.  He went to check on him and found him under our bed,  gone.  He took me outside to tell me.  I lost it.  I still have not recovered.  I'm not handling it well.  We buried him.

Fuming....

Ok I know I have said this before but....  I wasn't going to write this but I need to get it off my chest somehow. 

April 22nd 2016 was our 18 Year Anniversary.  It was bullshit.  He got me nothing and did nothing for me.  I bought him a crap ton of gifts and had a scavenger hunt for him to find them.  I bought him an 8ft HDMI cord, 2 power supplies,  a mini tripod, a mini bluetooth speaker, and a security camera.  The security camera got returned because it needed a DVR (something I was not aware I needed and had no more money to buy). I traded for the newest star wars movie and a charger you just lay your phone on.  He griped online how he got me nothing and friends said the year is not over.  He replied touche. I waited til next pay day thinking he would get me something then, or even take me out to dinner. NOPE😠 NOPE😬 NOPE😡

Now it's May 8th, Mothers Day.  Again NOTHING!!!  I got up cooked breakfast and made coffee.  I also did the dishes before and after breakfast,  plus spot cleaned the house.  Then we went fishing. At least my daddy came fishing with us.  After, we did a quick herping, then we came home and I cooked dinner.  WTF!!! 😣 Thankfully he washed the kid.  But still mothers day is about giving the mothers a break and pampering them.  Not leave them to do everything while you sit on your ass. 

So yes I'm pissed off.  I'm fuming.  I know you all think I am petty for wanting gifts but come the fuck on,  I deserve it. I don't even work and I still manage to buy him something. Even taking over my day was too much to ask for. I bust my ass to keep him happy.  I do everything and all he does is the litter boxes nightly,  kid to school on Monday and Thursday trash to the curb.

A housewife

I saw this on Facebook and had to steal it.

My wife does not work
My wife doesn't work!!!
Conversation between a husband (H) and a psychologist (P):
Q: what do you do for a living Mr. Rogers?
H: I work as an accountant in a bank.
P: Your wife?
H: She doesn't work. She's a housewife.
Q: Who makes breakfast for your family?
H: My wife, because she doesn't work
Q: What time does your wife wake?
H: She wakes up early because it has to be organised. She organizes the lunch for the children, ensures that they are well-dressed and combed, if they had breakfast, if they brush their teeth and take all their school supplies. She wakes with the baby and changes diapers and clothes. Breastfeeds and makes snacks as well.
Q: How do your children get to school?
H: My wife takes them to school, because she doesn't work.
P: After taking their children to school, what does she do?
H: Usually takes a while to figure something out that she can do while she is out, so she doesn't have to pack and unpack the carseat too many times, like drop off bills or  to make a stop at the supermarket. Sometimes she forgets something and has to make the trip all over again, baby in tow. Once back home, she has to feed the baby lunch and breastfeed again, get the baby's diaper changed and ready for a nap, sort the kitchen and then will take care of laundry and cleaning of the house. You know, because she doesn't work.
P: In the evening, after returning home from the office, what are you doing?
H: Rest, of course. Well, I'm tired after working all day in the bank.
Q: What does your wife do at night?
H: She makes dinner, serves my children and I, washes the dishes, orders once more the house, makes sure the dog is put away as well as any left over dinner. After helping children with HW she gets them prepared to sleep in pajamas and the baby is in fresh diapers, gives warm milk, verifies they brush their teeth. Once in bed she wakes frequently to continue to breastfeed and possibly change a diaper if needed while we rest. Because she doesn't have to get up for work.

-This is the daily routine of many women all over the world, it starts in the morning and continues until the wee hours of the night... This is called "doesn't work"?!
Being a housewife has no diplomas, but has a key role in family life!
Enjoy and appreciate your wife, mother, grandma, aunt, sister, daughter... Because their sacrifice is priceless.
Somebody asked her...
You are a woman who works or is it just "housewife"??
She replied:
I work as a wife of the home, 24 hours a day..
I am a mother,
I am a woman,
I am a daughter,
I'm the alarm clock,
I'm the cook,
I'm the maid,
I am the master,
I'm the bartender,
I'm the babysitter,
I'm a nurse,
I am a manual worker,
I'm a security officer,
I'm the advisor,
I am the comforter,
I don't have a vacation,
I don't have a licence for disease.
I don't have a day off
I work day and night,
I'm on duty all the time,
I do not receive salary and...
Even so, I often hear the phrase:
" but what do you do all day?"
Dedicated to all the women who give their lives for the welfare of their families
The woman is like salt:
Her presence is not remembered, but its absence makes everything left without flavor.

Still not hot.

I posted in November about a dress I wore that I thought I looked fuckable in.  I was SOOOOO wrong. 

So last night I decided to try again.  2 weeks ago I bought new clothes.  I acquired a skirt and a blouse. Chose another top as the shirt did nothing to improve the outfit.  I wore it for us to go to the movies.  Thought I would dress up farther than jeans, step out of my comfort zone with a tank top and an over shirt.  So I bought a foot flowing skirt and a blouse. I did my hair and used all my makeup.  I splashed on perfume and donned jewelry. My bra was squeezing my ribs but the girls looked HUGE.  I was feeling confident.  I looked sexy.  Hubby came home after walking our son to school and I came out of the room decked out. Not even a smile from him. 

We left to run around town.  I took selfies so I could see if my face was still together.

  I was pleased.  My eyes were dark and sultry. The foundation was flawless.  I was loving myself. Still nothing from him. 

Stopped at best buy.  I reapplied my makeup and fixed my hair.  It was getting poofy. I enjoyed how I looked.  The skirt was long and had slits in it so my legs showed when I walked.  Went back out to walk around the store with him.  Still nothing from him. 

We went to the movies.  I was rocking this outfit. My tits were plush my stomach was covered.  My body was shaved.  I did another body and hair check. Adjusted wild hairs and applied lipstick for the 15th time.  Frustrated that my husband had not even said a word about my appearance, I tried a full body selfie in the bathroom, but the photo was foggy.  I asked a stranger if she would take my photo so I could get a full body shot.  Thankfully she did.

Not the best picture but I didn't want to waist her time. I posted the picture of the full body and a selfie,

  with the tag line " I thought I looked cute today'. Went in to watch the movie.  I slid my shoes off and put my feet up on the bar.  The skirt exposed my legs up to my thighs.  1 hour 48 min movie and he touched my knee for 5 min and held my hand.  I was broken.  Figured I would at least get a playful crotch grab,  kiss on the neck,  a compliment .  No dice.

Went to retrieve my car from the shop.  The wind was blowing and the skirt kept blowing around and up.  I thought maybe he would say something. Still nothing.  No groping,  no kiss, no ass tap. I started making this meme to express myself. 

We drove the vehicles home.  He continued to the school to get the baby and I went home. I asked if we were going back out and he said yes.  I walked in and tore all my,  what I thought was sexy,  off.  I was livid.  I pulled my hair up into a bun, took a selfie,

  then put on my baggy jeans and a tank with a baggy throw over shirt.

  Then I scrubbed the crap off of my face.  Removing the 4 layers of makeup I had on.  I turned around and cried on the bed til he called that he was on his way.  I rinsed my face and put on a smile. But needed one last all natural selfie.

  Makeup is a wonderful invention

I get into the truck thinking now he will say something.  Nothing was said.  From that point on all I could think about was what do I need to do to get him to notice me.  I give him sex whenever he wants it.  I never look like trailer trash in public, and I apply a little makeup,  mostly my eyes,  when we go out to eat.  I always put my hair down when we're out together.  He 'says'  he likes it down. He never mentions or touches it when it is down.  

So I'm done trying to look good for him.  I work too hard and put myself in pain to be attractive for him.  By his reactions I could have been wearing jeans and a t-shirt for all he cared.  Fuck I might as well have been wearing my pajamas and had bed head.  Would have got the same reaction either way.

He commented on my meme with "You looked good. Do I have to compliment you every time you do something?!"  My answer was " When I actually go out of my way dress up FUCK YES."

On my selfie/body picture many commented that I looked great.  His comment was the same from the meme.  A mutual friend replied" Yes you do! Is it really that difficult? Geesh! One little compliment goes a long way!" another comment I made was "We don't go on dates,  I don't go anywhere that requires me to look nice.  I'm not putting on makeup for walmart.  I only dress up once a year if that. So yeah I'm pissed off.  Nothing makes you feel uglier than trying to look your best and getting treated like you look like your still in pajamas and just woke up. Twice in a years time and both times I had bought an outfit to impress you. Both times I was treated like this.  Yes I'm scorned yes I'm mad.  I'm fucking hurt."  

So there it is.  Round 2 of you're not hot.  You would think he would have learned from the dress fiasco.

I hate when he takes my photo and I look like shit. I duck his photos. My hair will be doing the medusa thing, with dark circles under the eyes, and pale lips,  he has to take a picture.  But yet when I have put effort into my looks he doesn't give me a second glance. I'm not sure there was a first glance. 

So Saturday we had gone to a restaurant. He was taking pictures of everything. 

I had a little makeup on but wanted to punch it up so I excused myself to the restroom.I took these selfies in the bathroom so the work wasn't waisted in case he stopped taking my picture. 

Now I was  ready to take on his camera. Unfortunately he was done with me. He continued with our son and all the food on the table though. I got in a shot too.

As we were leaving I asked a server to take a family photo of us.

I was one again feeling good about myself with no comments.

We had gone out the next day and I wore the blouse I was to wear with the long skirt. It was cute and I had to do a selfie photo, and one boys shot.

I don't do selfies unless I have make up on and I think I look good. This one is very light make up. Cant rely on anyone else to tell me I look good. I don't dress up to look good for me or for others. I only do it for him so he is not embarrassed to be seen the way I look at home.  All for nothing is my new motto.