I need to vent. Yeah you will get pissed off.

I have been putting this off for a month. I kept talking myself out of it. But since I have no friends and my family only cares for themselves I need to write it somewhere. I figured this was a safe place as my husband said he will never read my blog ever again and my mother don't read long things. If you have read any of my past writing you know how wordy I am. So lets get this going... Warning this will bounce around in topic as I am just writing as it comes into my head.



DEPRESSED...... 

 I have been feeling depressed the past few months. Not to the point of killing myself but to the point of never wanting to do anything. Feeling worthless. Feeling unwanted until someone wants something.  It stems from many reasons, boredom, family, friends, or that I am about to turn 42. Hey there we go... lets talk about my birthday.


 So on August 12th 2017 I will be turning 42. Every year on my birthday I get a meteor shower. But I also get a monsoon that keeps me from seeing the meteor shower. I have been noticing them since 1996. Another thing I get on my birthday is a normal everyday routine. I get up with the kid. I feed the kid. I wait for hubby to wake. I feed hubby. I take care of them all day, feeding, hydrating, and cleaning up after them. I will purposely clean the whole house so that my work is completely done. I end up staying home all day. Oh wait no I do get to go out... I get to go herping. ON MY BIRTHDAY. Woo Hoo NOT!!!! Another wonderful thing I get every year is a fight with my husband. Either on the day of my birthday or the week of. Never fails.

Why can't MY birthday be about me, for me. Gifts for me, not to be used by everyone else. Dinner for me, at places that I like to go. I want breakfast in bed, prepared or purchased. Dishes from breakfast done, trash in the trashcan. No cleaning up after anyone. Everything involving house/wife/mother duties being dealt with by someone else. Taken out for lunch, dinner and desert. TO PLACES THAT I LIKE. Having a fun time outside of the house doing things that interest me. I like horseback riding, tubing down the river, bowling, drinking, singing, swimming, shooting pool, water parks, theme parks, driving out of the city but NOT FOR HERPING. A hot bath that is uninterrupted. Bed early so I can sleep longer than 4 hrs.  But that is just a pipe dream. Every year it is the same day same shit as every other day. Nothing is special about it.

This year I decided to plan a party for me. Nobody else was going to. A out of the house party. It was called a cold food party. I really wanted to go to the lake. Play in the water. Enjoy the sun. Listen to music. Be with MY FRIEND. Yeah the friends part is kinda hard when you only have 1. Everyone else are my husbands friends. During planning I had to be reminded that this party was for me as I was planning things for my son. There is no me. Well I got screwed out of the lake. A week prior we scouted out the lake. There is literally no place to go. If your vehicle rides low, tires are bad, brakes are bad or you don't have 4 wheel drive you are not getting a place near the water. Also if you have issues with balance or walking it also would not work. Many spots required a steep jagged rock hill to the water you could use to access the water. I discussed other lakes we could check out but my husband shot down every single one. He even shot down that we go to the clubhouse at my moms. He said people would most likely cancel now. Well instead I cancelled the party. Especially after I talked to him and said I wanted to cancel because it was going to be boring. I just didn't see  any fun in standing/sitting around a room, eating and listening to music. The pool you had to walk to and a resident needed to be at the pool the whole time we were there. My parents were not going to do it. I also thought it rude to be running from the clubhouse to the pool so that I could entertain both sets of people. Most of the people would be sitting on their phones anyways. I know my husband would be. He told me he didn't even want to go. REAL FUCKING NICE!!! Sorry my birthday was not doing stuff that you wanted to do. I forgot all plans must be things that you like to do. So I mass texted everyone, mass facebook messaged everyone, and put that it was cancelled in events. I replied to everyones' comments on the event that it was cancelled. I am never going to have a birthday again. Every time I plan something for myself it turns into a disaster. Now my mom is pissed  because I cancelled. Well shit I'm sorry I ruined it for you. I didn't realize this party was for you. 

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BORED

I am tired of being trapped in this house. When I do get to go out it is either to the doctors, the grocery store or herping. (at least I get out of the city somewhat for this one.) But otherwise it is me doing the house/wife/mother thing. Sunday hubby and kid are home.  Breakfast lunch/snack dinner clean up after everyone. Monday hubby is home but kid goes to school. I get up with the kid and get him dressed fed and cleaned up. Then wait for the bus. After I have send him off I spot clean then get hubby up. Who has promised me that he will get up with me and the kid on Monday mornings. He has gotten up maybe 6 times, since he started school, back in kindergarten. But that was because he had another agenda. I cant be trying to fight him awake on his day off while I am fighting my son to get ready for school. So I go in and ask if hes getting up. If he says a few more minutes I just crawl into bed and go to sleep. I know this routine all too well. It will be hours later before he finally gets up. Then he gets up and gets mad at me for letting him sleep so late. Well I'm so sorry but I'm not staying up so I can come in every half hour to try and not get you out of bed. But even if he does get up when I come get him he gets mad at me cause he is still tired. Mondays is supposed to be our day. Going to the movies, birding, shopping. Ha yeah right. We have done each once or twice but 95% of the time it is us sitting on the couch watching tv. Breakfast lunch/snack dinner clean up after everyone. Tuesday they both leave the house.  I get up with the kid and get him dressed fed and cleaned up. Then wait for the bus. I do laundry and run to the store for taco Tuesday. Breakfast lunch/snack dinner clean up after everyone.Wednesday they are both out of the house. I get up with the kid and get him dressed fed and cleaned up. Then wait for the bus. I wash the bed sheets and maybe some of Thursdays work. I used to go to my moms and do her housework. She had gotten hurt and sick so I was helping. After 3 months doing her house and my house it took a tole on my legs and back and I had to stop. Not to mention that it was hot as hell in there. I couldn't breath and sweat just poured into my eyes.  Some days I barely made it home in time for the kid to get home on the bus. Towards the end I started to take home her laundry and return it Friday. Then I just started doing her laundry on Wednesdays. I stopped doing that when I was hospitalized. Now she is mad at me cause I don't want to do her laundry anymore. Every week she guilt trips me about her laundry stacking up, and her house being dirty. Breakfast lunch/snack dinner clean up after everyone. Thursday they are both out of the house. I get up with the kid and get him dressed fed and cleaned up. Then wait for the bus. Though the kid comes home early.  I dust, sweep, mop, vacuum, collect trash, clean up the kitchen and sometimes bathe the dog.  Breakfast lunch/snack dinner clean up after everyone. Friday they are both out of the house. I get up with the kid and get him dressed fed and cleaned up. Then wait for the bus. I try to make this my day off. But I always end up doing laundry. Usually it is only one load. Breakfast lunch/snack dinner clean up after everyone. Sometimes we go herping. Saturday they are both home. We use to go on long herping trips. Now we just stay home and watch tv. Maybe at night we go herping. Breakfast lunch/snack dinner clean up after everyone. 

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WHERE DID SHE GO?

I have lost myself. I do nothing for myself anymore. I used to take nice long relaxing baths every other night. Usually Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. (days that I did a lot during the day) But hubby got pissed off because he wanted to watch shows and I was taking to long. So now I have to squeeze the bath in before the kid gets home. Sometimes this does not happen as I was working on so much and lost track of time. Which ends up with me taking a shower. I HATE showers. They are so cold. I used to buy myself a new shirt from savers every 2 weeks. Its been awhile since I have done that. Whenever I get to go out, somewhere that is not a quick trip to the store, and only if I am with my husband, I dress up. I take my hair down, put on make up, nice top. The last time I did this, I wore a dress, I got scolded. He blatantly told me I see you dressed up but were not going out to dinner or anything, we don't have the money.  Well at least he noticed I was dressed up. Most of the time he never even notices that I attempted to look good for him. (read previous posts for proof of that) I wasn't hoping for that. I was trying to get noticed. Other than dinner with my nephew last week we have not gone out to dinner since the end of May. I mean why when you have someone at home who can do it. Maybe I should be in excruciating pain and sick everyday like my mom. Then I could go out to eat every night. I used to sit in the bed of a truck in the very dark part of the desert and look at the stars. I used to color and watch cartoons. I used to talk on the phone. Used to is the key word. Now I just take care of everyone else. No wonder I am so fat.

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FRIENDS 

I used to have a lot of friends.  I used to have friends over. I used to go to friends houses. As the years went on my friendships went out the window. First it was because I quit doing drugs. Lost a 100% of my friends from that time. Why come over if I don't do anything or have anything. We moved away from Glendale where all my friends were and that left me lonely. I was not allowed out of the house in our new place because it was so dangerous. There was no where in the vicinity to go because of the safety of the area. A friend from high school found me but he lived up in Camp Verde and was impossible to Visit as he was always at work. I would beg to go see him when we took our herping trips north. I think that is the exact reason my husband stopped doing trips up north. I got to see him maybe 3 times a year. I went and saw him by myself 3 times, when he would come here it was a short visit as he was visiting all his friends in town. I was always home in time to make hubby dinner. It was years before I had another friend that I could do stuff with. I used to go on walks. Work out at the Gym. Hang out at the mall.  Go to concerts. Sit at Dennys for hours.  She and I would hang with other coworkers. But after I had my son she started to split off. My husband didn't want me going on walks because of the gas money. He made me quit the gym because of money. Eventually it was just us talking on the phone then I got fed up one day with never knowing anything. She had moved further away and gone to another state for vacation and I knew nothing about it. I figured if I wasn't important enough neither was she. I had one last friend to fall back on. She was a coworker. Because we both had young kids we would plan play dates. Go to the zoo. Once, sometime twice a month we would do karaoke. That got to be a strain as every time I went out hubby would call and ask when I was coming home or have me deal with our son over the phone.  Every couple years go drinking in a motel. But all that became few and far between. Our kids were getting older, starting school. She was working too. I had to quit my job as nobody could handle my son anymore. Hubby made more money anyways and wanted me to quit so that I could deal with him. Its been 6 years. The Camp Verde friend threw me in front of a train and chose his partner over me. I was not even asking him to. I had made a joke from our past. Like high school past, and his lover got upset. His lover of 4 months. Everyone ganged up on me and he didn't bother to defend me in any way. It has been many months. I have finally decided that he was never going to apologize and took his poster he drew off my ceiling. We have been friends since 1992 and he threw it all away for sex. I thought our friendship was stronger than that. I still think about him constantly. 

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 MY HUSBAND

We have been married since 1998. As the years progress it becomes more him and less me. We used to get our hair colored together. We used to go places. We used to take photos together. Now he goes out with others. Now he wants to go alone.  Everything we do is based on what he wants to do. IF we go out to eat it is Mexican food. IF we go to the movies it is what HE wants to see. I don't even know why he asks me. Even if we are watching tv it is the same thing. He asks me what I want to watch but he always turns on what he wants to see. I no longer ask to make love. I now wait for him to tell me he wants it. I got fed up with him suddenly getting sick or falling asleep. He gets mad at me for spending money on groceries but he can buy apps for his phone. He gets mad if I leave the kid with him to go to the store or when we have met up somewhere and I stick the kid with him to head home. He gets mad anytime someone calls me while we are doing something. But he spends hours on the phone with his. We get into fights about the same things constantly. Same fight different day. Me asking for help. Him saying he does which he don't. Then he helps for a week then its back to normal. Me asking him to deal with our son, and him only dealing once and that is it. I don't even know why I get upset anymore. I just know it is going to be a big blowout then sex. Now don't get me wrong I loves his sex. How he gets jealous of everyone. I'm not talking about a guy hitting on me jealous.(That never happens anyways) Like for instance...  If his buddy buys something he wants it too. If I go out and do something with a friend he has to do something the following week, or the next day. Or the same day like last time. He still won't let me live down kicking him out because I was sick and tired of him going out every single weekend and the fact that I thought he was cheating on me, but he didn't deny it. I had tried talking to him and I wrote him and he just ignored me. Like what I was saying was just something to laugh off. If we are playing the same game and I pass him he will stop playing. He comes home from work and he is either on his phone or watching tv. We will be out smoking and I'm trying to tell him something but he is so engrossed in his phone that I just get tuned out. A few times  I have tried 3 times to tell him something and he interrupts me. I give up. I have decided to stop trying to talk to him. I have am still learning to shut the hell up while watching tv. Maybe I should just text him everything I have to say. He has gotten mad at me for getting mad at the kid for something but he can get pissed at the kid. He hates that I read every night before bed. He can't grasp the concept that my brain is spinning like a fan blade and the reading forces it so slow down and be like a pinwheel in a mild breeze. I honestly think it is because it is something that he doesn't do so I shouldn't be doing it. My reading is also my me time. My baths used to be my other special me time but that upset him. He will purposely make the kid upset in the morning if I make him get up with the kid. He told me years ago that if I ever looked like my mom he would leave me. After that day I never let him see me naked and all of my clothes got bigger to hide my body. I tried to distract with tits but he don't look anymore. He said he hated my hair being up but when I put it down he don't notice. He won't take a shower for me but he will to go out with his friends. Every time I am tired he jumps my shit saying that I am diabetic now and that I quit the thyroid treatment, when he notices my weight. (doctor not me) The truth being I get up through the night because our son is calling for me. He buys me gifts that benefit him. Like sex coupons. Pots n Pans.... when I am shopping for him I can only think what he will like. When it is his special day I do what I can to make it all about him. He gets mad at me for his mistakes. Like when he keeps snoozing the alarm and he knows he needs to take a shower. He gets mad at me cause his blood sugar is low or high. He gets mad at me because he didn't get what he wanted.  I really wish he would get off his phone. Everywhere we go. Dinner, at the store, in the parking lot, at other peoples houses. Every time I look at him he is head down staring into his phone. He gets mad if I don't do the trash on Thursday. Oh I'm sorry that I did the rest of the house, went to the store, gave your son a bath and cooked dinner today. He says he will do something then never do it. Like his grandmothers computer. Like the litterbox twice a week. Like the music on his sons mp3 player.


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I HATE ME 

 I hate myself. I have for over 17 years. I hide my body in large clothes. My bathroom mirror is dirty because I never want to look at myself. I purposely turn my back to the mirror when I get out of the bath. I lay on the bed cooling off in the dark. I wrap a towel around my body when nobody is home. I infused a little accent when I talk to kill my voice. When I am going out to have a good time, I scrutinize all my clothes. If it is too tight on the rump or the belly I will donate it. If my upper arms or thighs show I donate the clothing if I can't cover it up. I wear my hair down to look sexy but when nobody notices I get the you are fat and ugly confirmation. Which is where I am now. I hate how everything from the waist down is in pain. I hate how my hair falls out in the bath. I hate how my hair sticks up everywhere. I hate my eyes have permanent darkness under the eyes. I look like a racoon. I hate that I walk with a limp. I hate nobody can find out what is wrong with me. I hate that my husband doesn't see me the way he used to. I hate that I can't play with my kid like I used to. I hate that my husband dislikes me being in pain, because he can't do the stuff he loves. I hate that I have scars on my legs. I hate that I'm lazy. I hate that I just can't fall asleep the minute I lay down. Go into a chat and they say ASL (age sex location) I always reply with 42, fat old and white, married, with a kid, in Arizona. But lately I am suffering from memory loss, wicked migraines and sharp pains. I can't figure out why. I gets the twangs of pain in my abdomen. They only last maybe a minutes but they hurt for that minute. The memory loss happens more frequently that I want to admit. I get confused as to why I am in a room. People will call me and after the call I can't remember what we were talking about. I know if I tell my husband he will just jump my shit that I need to go to the doctor. NO I DON'T. I don't want them to find something seriously wrong. If it is something life threatening it won't be much of a loss. It is not like my husband doesn't have someone to help him with the kid. I know he cant cook, clean, or organize anything, so he will just leave to his grandmother to take over. My son wouldn't even care. I have seen first hand that death from something he loves only matters when it is electronic. Much like how his father acts. I do not have the smarts for getting on the pc and looking for stuff. Things that require my husbands password forget it. He is constantly getting on me to find a new doctor. But it confuses me and I need help. Which I have asked for. Just like when I ask for him help with my bogo he gave me. If it don't help him then it don't get done.

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MY SON

He is my son. I raised him. When I say no I mean no. Like when I tell him he can not get a car. But his grandmother buys him one anyways. Like when I say no food were going to get something to eat when we leave. His grandmother proceeds to feed him cookies, cakes, and ice cream. I am the only one who gets up with him in the middle of the night. I am the only one who takes him to the doctors. I am the only one who prepares him meals, gives him baths, and takes care of him when he is sick. I am the only one that cleans up after him. I am the only one that makes sure his stuff is ready for the next day. Yes his father is here but asking him to assist results in a  bunch of grumbling or he sits on his phone until I get frustrated and do it myself. I am the punisher. His father only gets involved when it is disrupting his time. He only interacts with him when he has something on his phone to show him. I take him to get his clothes and his haircut. Even when he was an infant it was all me. I would go to work on 3 hours of sleep, work 8 to 10 hours, pick up kid from my mom and then go home and cook dinner. When I would get home there is my husband on his phone or his computer. I go the school functions. I sit and color with him. I make paper airplanes and do art projects. I take him to the zoo. Daddy just takes him herping. But that is because he wants to do it too. My son purposely hurts people because he thinks it is funny. Or at least he purposely hurts me and thinks it's funny.




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YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING






I do everything. I try to teach my son how to do stuff so that he does not turn out like his father. His grandmother never taught him anything. He has no idea how to cook, clean, do laundry, or even dishes. If he helped me he would at least learn the basics. We have gotten into many fights of me requesting for his help. It is a reoccurring complaint in my blogs. As read in the above portion of this blog I do all of the housework. I do all of the cooking. He just walks in sits down and gets served. If I was gone he would just pack up and move to his grandmothers.





 
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 SDW

I try really hard to make this group a great place to be. But ever since we got our new Admin it has been all about what she thinks, and what I think is null and void. We have always had this rule of nobody from foreign countries. She came out and says well if we tell them not to flood, people could learn about critters in other countries. This is SDW not Animal Planet. Right before she joined we started the rule no groups of over 150. But she came in and said but if we add these people their facebook will communicate to other peoples facebook and tell their like minded friends to join us. Every member gets greeted.  I have always said welcome to the family. Then she joins and is all it makes them sound like they are the kids. Remove it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS IS MY GREET. I WANT THEM TO KNOW THEY ARE ACCEPTED AS ONE OF US ALREADY. Also when members ask to join we look through their profiles. To see if they are a fit or there to advertise. Well now other admins are not allowed to accept or decline without her approval. My husband takes her side on every argument. That was it for me. I figured what good am I. She is the queen now and all things involving the group need to be approved by her. So last Saturday I said screw this shit and turned off notifications. Nobody else has noticed my departure. When hubby enforces that I say something in there I go in put and emoticon and leave. He's good for a few days. The other 2 don't even notice. I will give my input on potential members but they get ignored. If I add people then she gets upset cause she didn't get to look at them. There will be 9 people asking to join. She will add the ones that are an absolute yes and then just leave the others sitting there while more ask to join. Whos group is this? My husband will publicly out me in posts. Disagreeing with my statement. Telling me I'm wrong. 


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I know this will not be read but at least I got it out somewhere. Crying the whole time. But who the fuck cares anyways. I know for a fact that if my husband reads this he will jump my shit. He will help me for a few days then it will be back  to normal.

I almost died....AGAIN!!!

So yeah it happened again. Almost an exact 2 weeks later. The first time I was admitted March 9th, this time it happened was Wednesday March 22nd. Here is how it all went down.

     It was a normal Wednesday. My mother and I had planned to spend the day together. She had asked me to take her shopping. I drove to her house and we began our day. I usually grab her laundry at the end of The Adventures when I'm heading home.  I took her to Walmart where I picked up a few things. Then we drove to Costco. I needed my soda and my granolas. Well as usual we walked around and tried samples. Lemon cheese cake, chicken sandwich, mini Gioza, sausage with artichoke and crab cakes.  I was addicted to these Crab cakes, I had 6 samples (oh so good, heaven melting in my mouth, orgasmic crab cakes). I couldn't stay away from them. I was so hooked I even grabbed a box. Eventually I took them back as I couldn't talk myself into spending $16.00 for 6 cakes, it took a lot of convincing (arguing with myself to make me put them back). Finally we looked at the time and decided we would go pick up my son from school. After obtaining him we went back to my house. I asked my son to get into his street clothes while I took the dog out to use the restroom. We hung around for awhile so that my phone could charge. Finally we left. Mom had decided earlier in the day that we would go have free pie Wednesday at Village Inn with the kid. Usually we would have pie then I would take her home, grab her laundry,  and then go get my son.

     Traffic was a nightmare. Every direction was backed up. I was skirting into side streets to avoid sitting for a long time. The Village Inn was roughly 7 1/2 miles away and it was after 4pm, rush hour nightmare time. I started on 67th ave I needed to get to about 100th ave. Around 87th Ave and VanBuren my heart started thumping real loud. I could hear it in my ears. I put my hand on my chest and I could feel it. I took a deep breath and continued driving. I got to 87th drive and I asked my mom for a drink of water. Taking a sip I  immediately I started to feel off. I was feeling puffy and really hot. Focusing on my driving I said "somethings wrong". My mom asked me "whats wrong, where".  I started to look around for a place to pull over. My mom said "Ronda you're scaring me. Whats wrong?" I couldn't even look at her. Staring at a road that was coming up I replied "It is happening again." I didn't even have to look at her to know she drained of color. I was starting to sweat and the needles were beginning in my fingers.  My brain was spinning. My immediate thoughts were to get my family somewhere safe. As I approached the next road, Lizanne Way, that goes into residential, I decided at the last second that I was I going to get as close to a safe business area as I could. Up ahead I could see a line of buildings. I put all my focus to getting there, all the while my mother is urging me to pull over. I was so focused I did not notice that I was in a right turn lane only until it was too late. I looked to my right, nothing but an open field and traffic getting back up on 91st Avenue. I turned then sat in the middle lane illegally. I had my blinker on and was waving at cars that were going by to stop, so I could pull into the Circle K on the north west corner. Realizing I did not have much time left before the breathing issue would start I turned aggressively at the widest opening I had. I pulled up next to the east most pump... that was thankfully out of order and had a canopy. My only thoughts now were to catch my breath, call my husband and the paramedics and keep my son far from me.

  I opened my car door and put my face into the breeze and leaned into the window. My mother is stressing and asks "Do you want me to call 911?" Obtaining a healthy breath I said "yes". I was starting to lose focus. I could see the drips of sweat falling to the pavement next to the pump. My breathing was getting more ragged.  I called my husbands cell phone. He didn't answer so I called his desk phone. He answered and the first words out of my mouth were "its happening again. I'm having an attack." I could hear the panic in this voice, " call 911."  At that moment my mother was already on the phone with 911. "Mom is calling." My husband and my mom are both asking me questions and I am starting to feel dizzy. I began answering questions in hopes they both heard the answers so that I would not have to repeat myself. I took a few breaths and said "I am at 91st ave and VanBuren. At the circle K pumps on the southwest corner". That was all I could muster. I exhaled hard and got lightheaded. I was breathing like I was doing lamaze. I looked at my hand and could see that it was swelling up. Dave is telling me that he is leaving now and will join me at the hospital. We both knew he would not make it to the gas station in time. It was rush hour in the middle of the week. I couldn't talk anymore. My whole body was starting to shake. I hung up the phone and slid it into my back pocket. My mom was done with her call. Without turning around or even turning my head. I said to Rilee, "an Ambulance and Firetruck are coming here for me. You need to stay in the car. DO NOT call out to them or talk to them. Listen to Mema please be good."  Just then I heard the sirens. I looked up and saw the firetruck coming from the west. Tolleson department. I closed my eyes and continued breathing as best as I could.

    I was not as bad as the first time this happened. I was more coherent but I was still having an attack. Maybe it was because the paramedics had arrived so quickly, or because I didn't try to fix myself prior to calling 911. I was just trying to find a safe place for my family before it all went to hell. The EMTs' asked me if I could get out of the car so they could assess me easier. I got up with little assistance and sat on the concrete barrier that is on the side of gas pumps.  I was trying to keep focused but it was getting harder and harder to breathe. I told the firemen this had just happened to me 2 weeks ago. They gave me some oxygen and took my vitals. I looked up towards my son and I could see him in the back seat talking but nobody noticed him. I pulled down the mask and looking at the closest person I said "my son, mom get my son". They got up and approached my mom and she walked over to his side of the car, where everyone talked. I told the man that I was starting to feel faint.  They asked me if I wanted to the go to the ER and I said yes. I heard my mother talking to one of the firemen and explaining what happened.  A few minutes later the Ambulance arrived. The station must be really close to that gas station. As I was being loaded into the ambulance I heard them talking to my mom and about driving my car to the hospital. I sat up shaking my head no and said "do not let her drive my car". One of the firemen apparently offered to drive my car himself. Thank god. My mom told me later that my son was questioning the firefighter as to why he had no hair. His reply was that he noticed he was losing hair so just took it all off. My son was content with that answer. I was very proud of my son for behaving so good and letting the emergency crew help me. The EMT had no issues with the IV this time. Apparently I did not swell up as bad as last time. Again I think it was cause I didn't try to fix it myself.

    I honestly do not remember much of the ambulance ride. I kept checking my hand for the red that had happened last time. I remember them asking if I had any allergies I shook my head no. They asked me if I had asthma and I said yes. Luckily the hospital was was only 2 1/2 miles north of where we were. I was already trying to figure out what was the same from the first incident. Everyone asked me what happened.  I said "I was driving and started feeling off. Then I got worse. I was just here 2 weeks ago for the same reason." Of course they would also ask me the question "and what was your diagnoses."  I don't think they believed me when I said they have no idea. Someone went and looked up my last visit to see what to do and not do. I was starting to feel very lonely. I was put on a BiPAP( A bilevel positive airway pressure (BIPAP) machine features two pressure settings, high and low, to deliver room air through a mask into your airway. To match your natural breathing rhythm, the high pressure setting is used for inhaling, and the low pressure setting is used for exhaling.)  EPIC FAIL!!!! That thing made me panic. I had to pull it from my face as I was not getting enough air. It just kept making farting noises on my face. I told them it was not working. I know doctors know best but when a patient is breathing less than before something is apparently wrong.  They ended up taking it off.

It was making me have an anxiety attack. I had the same reaction when I tried scuba diving. I was happy this time they did not have to cut my clothes off this time. Which was good as I really liked the shirts I was wearing. Finally my husband showed up. One nurse that walked in the room said "what you doing back here?" I shrugged my shoulders and gave her the answer "same as last time." I think another nurse recognized me too.  By 5pm I was in the emergency room with my oxygen mask and I.V. I was worried as to where my son and mother were. I had not seen anyone for quite awhile. Apparently they were in the cafeteria then the waiting room. I did not want him in the hospital at all, but she had no choice. My dad was finally able to make it and my parents took him back to our house.

     The doctor finally came in and said I was being admitted. (Ugh not again). Not to long after I was being carted up to the ICU which is on the third floor. The nurses were confused as to why I was being put in ICU, but nobody questioned the doctors orders. These beds were comfier than the first round. But the staff were not as friendly. Dave headed home so that he could grab my away bag...again. I talked to him on the phone telling him what to grab. Then he came back. I had asked the nurse for a cup of ice and she said they needed to check my diet. (I really doubt I'm forbidden water). I told them that the ER had let me have some. That is when she said "they are nicer than we are." WOAH are you kidding me. Dave was sitting right there and he heard it too. Welp your already on my shit list, I want my rabbit turd ice. I requested a cup of jello also as I was starving. Again I got the diet answer.... ugh seriously. They did their vitals check (finding my blood sugar above 300, thanks to the steroids) and then the 20 questions started. Now I love my husband, but I seriously wanted to brain him. When the question are you allergic to anything came up I said no.. he said yes Corn. Shit shit shit.....It is only towards kernal corn and corn chips.So now because of the blood sugar and the corn I was not allowed much to eat. Hubby and I went over the days activities to figure out similarities. We came up with 3 that matched from the first round. My parents and their clothes, my car, and crab. On the first visit I had had crab the day before around 1:15pm. We had gone to Red Lobster and ordered mushrooms stuffed with crab. This time I had hit up the sample lady at Costco 6 times for those orgasmic grab cakes (yes they were that good).  Dave finally had to leave to take over custody of Rilee. Everyone needed to go home. My dad had to work in the morning. Nana does not drive well at night. Dave had to work in the morning too. So there I was all alone, again. He left right on time though cause I needed to pee and apparently I needed to be supervised while using the potty chair that they placed next to my bed. How embarrassing. Felt like I was in school asking permission to use the restroom.  It was around 11:30pm that I finally got something to eat. They gave me a dried out turkey sandwich, (one super extremely thinned sliced piece of meat, no cheese, no condiments, and a glass of water. Oh looky prison food.  I was not allowed to order real food until after 630am. I decided it was in my best interest just to go to sleep.

    Thursday March 23rd 2017. Vampires at 3:45am. Come on wth.... then vitals at 4:45am.... at 5:30am I called my husband to make sure he was up. He needed to get him and the kid ready for the day....then breathing treatment at 6:00am. HOSPITALS ARE NOT FOR SLEEPING. At 6:45am I ordered food since I was already awake. The shift change over at least provided nice staff. They brought me ice.

  I was totally craving french toast. Denied... I asked for an english muffin. Denied... so I went for the egg cheese and mushroom burrito, orange juice, hot tea, and a plate of fruit.

I was given 7 units of insulin in the tummy for this. The lung doctor came to visit around 8:30am, she asked how the treatments were doing and asked how I ended up in here. She said you might get out today based on the treatments, then left. At 9:00am the floor Dr came to visit. She just said not today. Oh come on.. figure out what is wrong with me already. I asked if I could take a shower... NOPE. I asked if I could change into my jammies my husband brought.. NOPE.(not even just the bottoms)  I spent the day watching NCIS and reading my book. Mostly I just wanted to sleep and eat. I really really wanted a mountain dew. At lunch I attempted to order a ham sandwich  (like last time) DENIED condiments, apparently mayo has corn in it. There was no way I was eating it without mayo and they do not carry miracle whip.  I tried to order a chocolate cake (like I had last time) nope corn. RUDE!!!!  So I ended up with a grilled cheese and a baked potato, fruit plate, and iced tea. They gave me 5 units of insulin in my arm. My blood sugars were averaging between 215 and 332 (because of the steroids). A guy came in to work on this camera I didn't notice was in there. It has a 360 rotation they can zoom in VERY close and the little tv is so you can see the Dr. Was creepy and cool all at once.

 Nana was watching  Rilee today. He got out of school at 1:15pm she was there by 12:30pm. She cleaned my sink and microwave, while she there. The day just dragged on. I slept off and on. Every time I would fall asleep someone would come in. I watched more NCIS and ate sunflower seeds. They continued to give me breathing treatments, steroids and now I needed something for my headache. Right before one of the treatments I got a pain in my back. Right between the shoulder blades. It stretched gradually across my back then I felt it in my chest where it gradually stretched between my shoulders. Hurt like hell. Same pain I would get in my sleep on my last visit here. But this time it hurt more. The respiratory therapist said it was just an air pocket and it would subside. Eventually it went away and he gave me my treatment.

I was suddenly moved to another part of the 3rd floor. They loaded me and my cargo into a wheelchair and moved me to the opposite side of the hospital. The new nurses were baffled as to why I was even in the ICU. I was not on an IV drip or even oxygen when I was in there. I was not swollen, sweating, or even having harsh breathing issues. I asked for ice and then waited forever for it, but they did let me crawl into my bottoms hubby had brought me from home. I was on the phone with him when he was packing the togo bag. He did not grab the right bottoms. I asked for my silk shorts that were in the drawer under my underwear drawer. He grabbed my mens thermal underwear that I had cut into shorts from the underwear drawer. Meh at least my back side was covered better. Finally Dave came back after he got off work. He didn't stay long though. He needed to send Nana home. I always wait until 6:30pm to order dinner, cut off time is 7:00pm. I don't sleep well and sure as hell can not go to sleep early, so I try to get food,  the nurses stations apparently does not have anything to provide for snacks. I tried my luck with that ham sandwich again with mayo. DENIED. So I settled for a egg, cheese and ham burrito, rainbow Italian ice, a banana, and iced tea. I got a visitor though. My best friend Elizabeth came to hang out. I made her stay longer than she wanted to. It was nice to have a guest. My parents did not visit at all and Dave could only hang for an hour or two after work. After she left I decided it was time to write my brother. At 11pm I scored some jello and apple juice. Plus they finally gave me some pain killer for my legs and also my restless less pills. So I was happy. My legs were a lot more worse off in here as I was never allowed to get up. Around 11:45pm I decided to go to sleep. Figures... 12:15am breathing treatment. He was nice enough to say that my next treatment would not be til 7am and hopefully I get some sleep. I told him vampires at 4am not gonna happen. Thankfully I went back to sleep. But not before having a coughing fit.

    I was right...... Friday March 24th 2017. It is 4:45 am vampires, 5:45 am vitals, called husband to make sure he was up and getting everything ready for school and work, then 6:45 am meds.... fine I'm having breakfast.

  Ordered the burrito and tried to get just a plate of watermelon and bananas. DENIED....   So I ordered a plate of fruit and hot tea. I had forgotten to order my sweet and low so when they came to drop it off I asked for it. Apparently they keep it in their pockets just in case. I was given 5 units of insulin. My blood sugar was 215. They clearly have no idea how to administer Insulin. (went through the same thing when Dave was hospitalized years ago. He is a type one Diabetic. These kinds of critical mistakes could kill him. Here is his story. http://www.jerryfar.com/2007/10/doing-time-in-hospital.html ) The doctors came for a visit and really had nothing to say. They swear it was an asthmatic episode and that I will most likely be going home today. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!  So basically same synopsis at the first round except this time I got screwed on good food, was given very little supply of ice, and now I'm most likely a diabetic because of the steroids they kept pumping into me. Oh Joy. I started preparing myself for departure. I prepacked my stuff leaving my change of clothes out. I asked for a shower again... NOPE. Come on even when I was here the first time I was allowed to take 1 shower at least. I notified Dave I was being released today. Called my parents and told them. Had no idea when though. My parents were to be at my house by 3:30pm for the bus. Dave would not get off work til 6pm. So it was just a matter of when. My legs were beginning to throb so I decided to started pacing and asked for some pain killers. I walked into the hallway, looked out the window and chatted with the nurses. I was so ready to go home. I went back into my room to write my brother some more, that when I saw a hispanic family walking around. They had this little girl with them. I waved at her as they stopped to look out the window.

 Thanks to my son I know how to make a decent airplane so I made one then hunted for the room she was visiting. I felt like an idiot but she looked happy. I was happy that it flew.

It was not until bout 5pm when they finally said ok you can go, but it took 2 hours for them to finally remove the IV and let me get dressed.  Dave ended up having to come to my room to wait as they took forever. My parents wanted to come get me but I would not let Rilee in the hospital. I didn't know when they were releasing me and I didn't want him waiting in the car. Good thing I decided that. As we drove home I begged for a Mt.Dew and real food. Dave was now upset that I was a diabetic. He wouldn't let me have my dew. I argue this point constantly (I only have one a day).

Once I got home I immediately greeted everyone, my parents, Rilee, and the dog. My mom had made me dinner S.O.S. I ate 3 plates worth.

My son picked out some beautiful flowers from Walmart.

But then I couldn't handle it anymore and ran into the bathroom and took a bath. I was looking at my bruises and discovered this horrific one.

 It made eyes pop out when I showed it to certain people. I still did not feel clean afterwards but I felt refreshed, sore and sleepy. Yay more bruises. I'm not done healing from the last ones.

Bengy and Buckeye definetly missed me.

Days later I went to see my primary and he did not seem to care about the bruise (though his eyes popped out too). He told me ice it and put Aloe on it. He said he would need to refer me to an allergist but I told him we already had one set up. He argued with me about what asthma was and I argued back that you do not swell up and your throat close from not being able to breath. Whatever, he's an idiot anyways. At least he filled my prescriptions, and did an A1C test on me. I had to ask 4 times for that before he finally ordered it. Dave wanted it because of the damage the hospital did to me. He was even testing my blood sugar himself (sometimes I was high but it started to go down). I also went to see an Allergist. They did a environmental and food allergy scratch test. I got scratched by 90 different things.

 The control test is the only one that showed any real signs. The doctor decided that I should get blood work to double verify.

 I really hope it comes up with something as I am not in favor of being scared of everything I touch. Dave will not let me go driving unless it is critical and he is on me for everything I eat and drink. I know hes scared but come on let me have my happy places until it is definitive. I went and picked up my ring too. It's a bit loose but I will fix that.

I almost died today

Ok so guess where I am. On March 9th, 2017 at 6:18 A.M. I walked into the garage to await the kids bus. Like I do every day. Today I took my keys so I could unlock my trunk. I removed 1 basket of my mom's laundry and put it on my car to wash later. I went back and grabbed the second, closed the trunk, and took it to the machine and began a cycle, water soap clothes. I closed the lid turned around and it hit me....

My whole body heated up like I had stepped into a walk in oven set at 425 and a sauna. I placed my hands on the hood of my car and I  felt  my head spinning. Know that poking needles feeling when your foot has fallen asleep and it is waking up?  I was doing that from head to toe. Sweat rolling off my face and dripping on the pavement. I struggle to stay on my feet. I couldn't let my son see what was happening to me. I was already scared I I felt like I was about to die. But I was not about to die in front of my child. I heard the bus, spun around and tapped the garage button so it would open. I usually wait until the boy is safely secured in his seat and the bus is driving off. I closed the door way earlier today. I knew something was wrong. My lips felt inflated and numb. I waited until I saw him head towards the seat.  I flipped around and pushed the garage door closed and turned off the light and ran to the bathroom.

I sat on the toilet splashing water on my face and I started losing my ability to breathe. I screamed in short breathes" Dave!... Help!..." It took 10  times before he heard me. The last 4 were accompanied by me slamming my hand on the cabinet repeatedly. He sleeps deep. Finally he calls back "what? what's wrong?" Gasping between breaths I said "can't.... breathe,... inhaler..... " . He steps into the bathroom. I'm hyperventilating, crying, sweating and nothing triggered it. "What's wrong" he says . I look at him fear in my face..." something... wrong.... , help me,..... inhaler".  He dashes back and brings me my inhaler. I took 2  puffs and felt the same. Usually by the second pull I get a little alleviation.

I scrambled to the bedroom loosing my legs ability to be upright. I flipped the fan on high and placed my face in it. Didn't help lots but assisted my breathing by pushing more air into my face. I couldn't get enough air. I tried numerous breathing techniques. I cried out "help...... me" . Dave was on his phone, in the living room. No idea to who. Eventually he finally calls 911. I honestly do not think I would have been able to handle a car ride. I was struggling just to breathe in front of the fan. " I kept repeating help me...... help me..... help me..." while sucking air off the fan. He continued to be on the phone in the living room. I could hear him almost screaming(or very loudly talking.) He had no idea what to do. By this point I didn't know what to do. I figured 2 puffs and the fan and I would be good. Has worked before. Though before I never got prickles or the feeling of swelling up, nor the sweating. I didn't want to take the ambulance as it is so expensive especially knowing I would need to  have oxygen. But I also knew there was no way I was  going to be able to handle a truck drive. I sat on the edge of the bed crying, getting dizzy, and suffocating. I decide to lay down. BIG MISTAKE!!!   Now instead of trying to breathe through a drinking straw I was trying to breathe through a tea stirrer. I immediately sat back up. That made the poking intensify and sweat dripped from my nose. I felt like I was going to pop. I called out to Dave "Help me,... please... Can't breathe... “.

Next thing I knew he was showing the dog into the bathroom and busting down the hall gate. Then enter the fireman

 and sorry ladies I have no idea what they look like. My eyes were closed because the sweat had been burning my eyes.  But I can tell you I was very argumentative with them. They stabbed and stabbed and stabbed and could not find a vein. They poked 5 different places. I pointed out my only non floating vein they still couldn't hit it.

Apparently my whole body was swollen. I was not aware. I felt like my body had inflated. I got mad and said "fan... Can't breathe... Hot“ the paramedic had turned it off because it was blowing away his stuff. But it also made me go into an extreme panic because my breathing got worse. They were also struggling to find my pulse, and get an oxygen reading. With thier contraption or with fingers. I'm obviously alive I'm talking.... Sorta. I looked up long enough to see my husband struggling to keep it together. Then my cell phone rang. Dave had to go remove it from my woman's purse. I apologized for its loudness and its location. It was my mom calling. Dave had called her, but his ringer was off so she called my phone. I needed him but breathing was more important. I coughed and said "puke" one of the emts removed my trashcan from the bathroom. Nothing happened though. They put me on oxygen. And my body was still rejecting it. Suddenly I felt light headed and my body fell backwards. Heard them say no laying down you breathe better sitting up. My brain woke up when I started to lack oxygen, I sat up when the tea stirrer was activated. But did that too quick. My head lulled forward. I kept saying, "help me" they replied "we are! You need to breath slower and hold your arm straight." "not... Working... Help". I pushed the mask harder into my face and went through a regimen of different breathing styles. Including but not limited too, breathing like your giving birth. I kept pulling the mask off saying "not... helping" and that's when they decided that I was going to take a ride. That is right about when I started having episodes of blacking out. I would only be out two or three seconds nobody would notice but me. But I thought oh no here we go it's over. I did not think it was possible to get hotter but I did. I could feel sweat dripping down my arms down my chest. I turn my head in the direction of the EMT I had been arguing with all morning. I said "floor... sit... floor... faint.. dizzy." all of them told me no I needed to stay on the bed. They didn't want to pick me up off the floor for the mobile bed. I honestly remember trying to stay up there, but the heat and lack of oxygen forbid me that motion. I blacked out and leaned forward. I remember saying "nope can't" and leaned forward. But woke and slid to the floor, back against the  bed. They seemed OK with that. My IV was in tack and my mask was still on but not working. Shouldn't have took my fan.  My eyes barely opened once they arrived, except to locate my husband. If I was leaving this world he was going to be the last thing I see.

So I stood up with help and hopped onto my bed on wheels. I was finally getting larger gasps of air like from a big gulp straw but still not enough. The ride was really bumpy. I kept blacking out. At one point my breathing went back to barely there. I said " can't.... Breathe...." They had purposely turned off the oxygen. I don't know why. I'm guessing they were curious what would happen. We went West to 91st then road north. I did notice my breathing getting better. I heard them say eta 5 min but it felt like 15. They kept poking my shin. It wasn't til later when I figured out why.

I don't remember going into the hospital. I kept blacking out, in the truck and in the E. R. I know I really enjoyed the outside air, it was freakin cold. From garage to truck and truck to E. R. . The cold air was fantastic. I think I smiled both times. Anyways.... As I was coming in and out of it, I still never opened my eyes but I answered questions. I was still answering in 2 words. Took me forever to give them my husbands phone number. They were thinking I had Carbon

monoxide poisoning. Kept hearing them talk about how red and swollen my whole body was. Dave says the picture does not even come close to describing how red and puffy I was.

Numerous different people kept poking my calves and looking at my hands. I guess the swollen lobster look was not normal. They had to  cut off my horse t-shirt jammie shirt (my mommy bought me that). (photo not from same day but that is the shirt.)

 They spoke bout how my breathing was slightly improving. Then I heard it. The only voice I wanted to hear. My husband. I popped my eyes opened and searched. Took me awhile with all the bodies in the room. He was in the hall. Thank God he's tall. I started crying again which did nothing for my heart rate or my breathing. But I was definetly more responsive. By the time all calmed down many many many hours had passed. My mom, dad, and hubby were all there. I was finally able to explain what happened. Then I looked at my hand. It was red and so swollen. My fingernails were blue. Both my hands were like this. Then I saw my ring. I immediately asked it to be removed before I lost circulation. They had to cut it off. I bawled when it was removed.

Then we started cracking jokes about my room number. I was in room 51, as in area 51, and I was definetly a mystery patient. They had no idea what happened to me. They nixed Carbo, and went to allergy. The only thing I had done I had never done before was a lavender bath bomb at 1130pm. Or it was a substance on my parents laundry. 30 seconds after closing the washing machine is when it hit me. The only other thing we could think of was I touched something as we roamed around town yesterday or in - n-out has a new something inside its doubles. I kept shaking uncontrollably as I was freezing. They must of put 5 warmed blankets on me. One was draped around my neck and shoulders like a shawl. They took me away momentarily and shot my veins with dye. They are not kidding when they say it gets warm. I felt like my whole body went pee. It went away quickly and I went back to shivering. We sat in the E. R. For hours. Once I regained my warmth I started demanding ice.( I demanded a lot of ice while here.)

I was a ufo ( Unexplainablely frustrating obscurity) Because of this, they decided to keep me a day for observation. Oh bloody hell really?

My one an only concern was my son. He was getting out of school early. Somebody needed to get him. He needed to be fed. And I refused for him to come to the hospital. He also needed bathed but I can do it Friday. Dave decided to pick up Rilee and My parents took it from there.

I finally got into a room. Mom And dad left to find me food prior to me leaving the e. r.. I was being myself. The oxygen was off. Dave left to get kid. I sent him home with a get me list. Basically change of clothes, kindle, chargers, writing pad. My parent's showed with donuts and a brownie in a cup... Ooh ooh and a 32oz Mt Dew. I was allowed an open diet. Just need breathing  treatments every 4 hours. Steroids every 4. Ended up swapping rooms as  my bed was broke and it was 80 in the room. I just had to take this photo as I thought it was funny.

 My mom thought it was cold. After my parents slept for 10 min they tagged out.

Taking over with Rilee. They ran some errands and took him to lunch and dinner. They got educated on how much food this kid can pack away. I had to request the room be dropped to 77, but after taking it to 74 it still didn't work.  Dave had just walked in and he thought it was hot. So they moved me. They moved me next door.

 This room was upon entry cold. Niiiiiiice. The bed still sucks but was better than the last. Dave left after we ate to deal with the kid for the rest of the night. This was his first in 3 years to deal with the kid for bed, and wake. I'm sure he's praying I'm home by the time he's released. Friday is apparently an early release day. Rilee went to bed in his own bed but will wake in mine. I made him put the kid in bed with him. I made him pull the gate into the doorway. That way Rilee is awoke by my phone call too.

I finally crashed out at 12:45am. But I kept waking because the staff are noisy. My door is even closed. I kept hearing them in the hall. I can understand if the nursing station was right by my room but it wasn't. At 245 I woke to an excruciating pain in the right side of my chest. I pressed on it, it went away, and went back to sleep. Then at 3 I woke up again to it, but it hurt a lot more. The lady for the breathing treatment walked in and I asked her to call a nurse. I had to pass on the treatment til it stopped hurting. It eventually faded and we decided to go on with the treatment. Figured it was a gas patch in my chest. Still waiting for respitory to return. The pain started again on my right back on the shoulder blade. It's intermittent and only lasts at the most a minute.  Oh look the vampires just arrived, 3 viles. Have not seen them since the ER while I was out of it. Oh and welcome back respiratory. She informed the that the treatment I'm getting is for kids.

 Wtf is that shit. No wonder they keep hearing wheezing. She leaves and I get into a coughing fit. It's supposed to do that. Great headaches back. Wtf really?

So Im going to end this... I'll update as stuff happens. One Facebook friend said it sounded like
Anaphylactic shock. If so I need to find an allergist and figure it out fast. I've never been allergic to that level. I get pains in my abdomen for corn and serious pukey feeling upset stomach for aspartame. We may never know.

Temporarily ended 3-10-2017 8:03 A. M.

So Lung doc visit requested a flu test then a pneumonia shot. Looking for viral reason. Said maybe you get to go home tomorrow. I asked if I could put on my jammies and they said after they take off the mobil heart monitor,

 they took it an hour later. Hours later the nurse finally come in then says, "now your in quarantine. Nobody can touch you. Must wear mask gown and stay 3 ft back."  Thanks now I feel like a leper.

3-10-17 2:20pm. So a few hours after I was put in quarantine I was moved. 

 They relocated me 3 floors up. Now I'm in isolation. My guests look like they are scrubbing up for surgery.

 Though my only guests have been my parents and my husband. Every 4 hours I get a breathing treatment, an hour later is my steroids shot, then after is vitals. Nothing has changed for any of the visits. Pressure, oxygen, pulse... Always in same range. They still have no idea what is wrong with me. Everytime I sleep I get a tightness in my right chest with pain. They don't seem to care. 15 min later it does it again, even hurts more. One person said something bout my lung sticking together. Yeeeeeah right. 3-11-17 8:

I'm off quarantine. But no touching. I got to take a shower. Still need to see lung doctor. Still have no idea what happened to me. 3-11-17 11am

Still here.... Day 3.... 4th room. Was doing a breathing treatment. 

They are still perplexed. They lifted the quarantine. I say look but no touch. Nana watched kid so Dave could visit. Thought they were sending me home today the one who gives me the breathing treatments was telling me to take the treatment bag home because they throw them out.... It has a real stethoscope. Giving it to Rilee (after I clean the crap out of it).  The pharmacy wanted to know where my script would go when I leave. I Said Walmart. But the lung doctor and the regular just say your breathing is clearing up. I keep getting coughing fits after the treatments. The little bit of sleep I do get I'm awoken by a pain in my chest, it only lasts a minute. Nobody seems to concerned about it.  I am, that shit hurts. I have developed a nasal issue but I think it's from the treatments.

I hands down think it was a severe allergic reaction. I'm scared of my garage currently. 

Every phone call with my husband and child rips me apart. I'm bawling by the time we're hanging up. When he leaves my room I'm immediately crying. My parents didn't visit today. My dad is not feeling well. Probably cause he was up at 3am, worked til 2, then around town with my son. Sandy needs to let him relax. Went to bed after 9pm. The exhaustion kicked his ass. Well that is all for now.
3-11-17 6pm  One reason I want to stay.  Room service. AND I don't have to do the dishes. I just put it on table when done and it goes away. The food is all mine. No sharing, no begging, no arguing. Grilled Ham n cheese, mushroom soup, chocolate cake, and iced tea. 3-11-17 10pm

 I can read the tv too.

Day 4. Respiratory apparently forgot about me last night. Last visit was 730pm. I asked at 1215am they said they were coming. I waited til 1245 and passed out. The vampires came at 330am.  Vitals
3-12-17 830am

 came at 430am. Even got other medicines at 530am.  But not one single breathing treatment until 815am, 12 hrs later. Oh well hungry gonna eat. OMG they got some awesome ham n cheese sandwiches, and the chocolate cake is moist like fresh from the oven soft.

Lung doc says bye.... Other doc says lemme talk to Lung doc. Nurse Jose says stay your fun.
3-12-17 230pm  

I'm released... Waiting for shoes from hubby so I can run for it. Going to pick up scripts, get some food,

 though hospital sandwiches are the bomb. 4 days in this place and they still have no idea what happened. All they know is that it was not viral. Have to see an allergist immediately. I am currently scared of the garage and touching anything new. Jumping in bath soon for a real cleaning. These bruises are ridiculous.

I played hide n seek with the dog on the night I came home.

and here is my son enjoying the booty from the hospital....