All it is is sex

SALT 'N' PEPA
"Let's Talk About Sex"

Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex

I swear this is the only song that goes through every guys head when they talk to a sexual interest. In my opinion I am sick of it.

I have a place I visit. I call it anonymous. People write all kinds of stuff. I like to look for cries for help. But I also love posting. My posts are always bitching. In anonymous I can say whatever I want and nobody knows who I am or how to find me. I can be racists, perverted, invest in male bashing, or  my personal favorite send scary ass photos to people. I'm free. Anybody can comment on anything posted. Say whatever they want. Nobody can report you and nobody can follow you.

Apparently every guy on anonymous thinks it's a sex site. I will write 'I cry in pain from my leg pain'. I will get replies like 'I'll make you cry from pleasure' and 'you can wrap your legs around me and I'll make you forget the pain'. I mean come on. Guys post show me your boobs or any lonely women want to chat. Girls post 'check out my new dress' or 'should I get a tongue ring'.

Every conversation begins with a chat from a post followed by age, sex, location.  Then a sex question is not to far behind. When I say I'm a 37 year old fat married mother with grey hairs, stretch marks, and blubber. They still ask for a picture. I tell them no. They think sending me a picture of themselves will convince me. I still say no, so they send a picture of their penis. Oh ew gross. Does doing that actually work to get someone to send you a picture? I never indulge in those conversations. In fact I block all sexual all of them. Sometimes I will purposely post something sexual just to weed out the pervs. Block block block buh bye block.

Is sex all guys want anymore? To me it feels like it. Its like screw me or SCREW you. What happened to getting to know a person? Though I have gained an excessive amount of weight I still catch guys looking at my breasts more than looking at my face. I'm glad I'm no longer on the market.  I would never survive the sex first part. I'm about getting to know someone. Even my husband today told me to show more breast so we could get more money back. Lets just say I was not wearing a flattering shirt and I had no makeup on. 

I guess I just don't understand. I'm a highly sexual person. Have been since before I lost virginity. Was a damn good tease but would never please. But I never have and never will flash my tit or rub my clit just to get a date.  

Freedom

Where does it say thou shalt never leave the house after childbirth?

I know when you become a parent the life of free roaming becomes few and far between. But nobody said it was going to be completely obsolete.  I never really was a party girl. Well after 21 I wasn't. So I don't miss it. What I miss is the wanna hang calls and saying yes. On a whim calls for help and me rushing to their side. The calls to come over for dinner or to see a movie.

I swore I would never trap my husband in the house. Previous posts prove that.  But I did not realize that it meant I would never get to leave. For 1 day, once a year, I get to go out. Only did it twice, but it was the best nights ever. I stayed in a motel, got wasted, ate junk food, went swimming, and just talked. Did not happen this year as the husband got mad about my previous years outing. I'm a literal hermit. I only leave the house for doctors and going to the store.  I had requested to be let out once a month, with no hubby or kid, for a few hours, and was rejected quickly. I asked this last year, then 6 months later. I just want to go sit at Dennys and write. I have to notify a month in advance if I need him to watch our son. He gives me no notification. He just waits until a few hours before he leaves to notify me.  I'm lucky to even go to get groceries alone.

Now my husband. He has unlimited freedom. He has friends that invite him places. During the warm season he goes herping every weekend or every day depending on the work shift.. In the cooler times he goes fishing or bopping. He has gone to dinner with coworkers, concerts with friends, gaming parties, horror fests, film festivals, over to friends houses, baseball/basketball/football games, house parties and arcade/bowling (though that one was a work function). Me, wherever I go my son, or husband and son, come too. I don't get to go places alone. Everyday it gets harder to go out as my son gets more unmanageable. People have stopped inviting me because they know I need to take my son. Nobody can watch him as nobody can handle him. The daddy is too busy to be able to watch him. He has his own life, as mentioned above.

What did I do to deserve this? Did I sign a contract that says you are the mother. Your job is to take care of your husband, your child and your house. Do not ever leave the house, say goodbye to your friends. Live through your childless friends, or friends who have a lot of sitters. Your only responsibility is in the house, stay there. Its killing me. I want to work just so I can get out of the house and interact with others while not having to keeping my child restrained, quiet, or calm. Screw having a life outside of the house.

The last time my husband was stuck with the kid alone was only  for a few hours when I took an emergency trip to Kansas for a week. He had to hand our son over to my best friend, that night I left, while I was away. He was working the night shift and nobody could capably watch him but her. Though she had complications with him also. The time before that he had him for 26 hours. It was my one time a year away from it all. He got mad I came back a few hours late because I needed to eat before I came home. Any other time he has watched our son it was either because I needed to go to store, (he was only with him for maybe 2 hours), or because I was sick. Even when I was sick I still found myself feeding them and scolding my son. Like I have said in my blogs. I am with our son 24/7, me only me. Hubby is in the same room with him maybe 3 hours every day. Even then his face is buried in his phone, were eating, or  watching tv.

Yes I am a mother. Yes I wanted him. Yes I knew my social life would be diminished. What I did not know is that I would never be permitted a life outside of the house. That I was only here to take care of everything but myself.